The importance of me-time
A note to myself
My eldest child is 7 years old and I’ve only had 3 days away from him in his entire life. It was work related and it was horrible. I cried as I left, thought about them endlessly and had butterflies on my return. I vowed never again. Screw me-time.
I’m the mum that cries tears of happiness rather than sadness as my kids trot off to school but the idea of being apart from them for more than a few hours is abhorrent. I might moan about them. They might drive me mad but that doesn’t mean I want to be without them. I love them, you see. I made them. And honestly they are the only people in the world that don’t see my faults and love me unequivocally.
The truth is that I’m afraid to leave them alone. I’m self deprecating to a fault but when it comes to my kids I firmly believe that no one can do as good a job as me. I may not have your skills, patience, or wisdom but what I do have is a mothership load of love. No one will ever love those kids as much as I do, and so no one will ever watch over their safety as well. Thoughts of leaving them for any length of time cause me massive anxiety and sleepless nights. And that’s exactly why I need to do it.
My husband and I have planned two nights to the coast without my babies. Two nights to sleep deeply, read a book by the pool and just reflect on our fortuity. Two nights to agonise, SMS the nanny, constantly ask my friends to stop by the house. I need this break. I need time for myself to calm and reset. My husband and I need this time to remember who we are a as a couple. To remember who we were before three kids took every minute of our waking day and every speck of our sanity. And the kids need this. We are with each other so much. They pick up on my anxieties, suffer my moods, and share my stress. Even for them a break from mummy will be a positive thing.
This is my mantra I repeat it daily.
Time away from the kids is good .. for me
Time away from the kids gives me time to figure out who I am again. To establish my identity beyond being a mummy. I need to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life. I gave up my career for my kids but the truth is that I don’t want to step back into it even if it could. I’m a different person than I was 7 years ago. I need to figure out what I like and what goals I want to set. Planning for a future that can achieve a positive balance between my personal and professional life.
Plus a change of environment nearly always gives me a sense of renewed optimism for my work. I come home buzzing with ideas for things I can do for myself or towards my business.
Time away for the kids is good.. for my marriage
It’s the age old story, kids, work, kids there’s never any time alone. On date nights one of both of us are usually so exhausted that I’m thinking about the comfort of my sofa by half past nine. We’ve had hardly any time alone in the last 7 years. Two days alone to remember who we were before. Before kids, before Africa, before life became so stressful. It’s important to remember that we are the foundation of our marriage. If we aren’t strong then no one is. Having time to connect is understandably good for us as a couple but in fact it benefits the whole family. What better role model to grow up with, than with parents who have a happy, loving relationship. Parents who understand the importance of making time for themselves rather than devoting every spare minute to the children.
Time away from the kids is good… for the kids
When people spend too much time together they forget the value of the person they are with. My children and I have been firmly glued at the hips for the last two months whist they were off school. In the end we all drove each other mad. My twins regressed with their separation anxiety. My sons tantrums started again as we began to loose our cool and patience flew out the window. And neediness and whining reached previously unscaled heights.
Being apart from me teaches my children independence. The time has come for them to learn how to spend time away from me. To learn that I can’t be there for the school trips, and sleepovers and camping weekends with friends. They need to learn to do to more stuff for themselves without mummy helping (Hands up! I’m guilty of being a Helicopter mum). This is confidence building. A foundation for becoming independent adults who can negotiate situations with ease.
So I’m off. My kids will miss me. I’ll miss my kids. My heart will be in my mouth as leave them but I know that all my hovering and crushing possessiveness, serves no one. Not my kids, my husband and certainly not me.
Viva la vida
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