Oversharing: how much is too much?

I went out last night and met some lovely new people. After a while conversation turned to ‘what do you do for a living?” and because I’m a little ashamed of being a ‘trailing spouse’, ‘tag along wife’, ‘housewife’, I mentioned my blog. Before long the question came along… why do you write it? And it’s a good one because I no longer know myself.

Why I started blogging

I started my blog as a Personal diary of my time in Kenya and a way to blow off some steam, get stuff off my chest. It was never my intention for it to be read by a large audience. I live a solitary life by day, I suppose writing a diary became to isolated an activity. I wanted people to bounce ideas from, reactions to my thoughts, conversation, even if it were online.

Making it public

So I made my blog public, and then I made a Facebook page, then an Instagram. The more people read my blogs the more I felt validated in my writing. At its heart this blog is a diary; an outlet. And although I document places in Kenya the blogs that are easiest to the write are the ones that are close to my heart. The ones that aren’t planned. Those when I sit down at my computer and pour whatever emotions rumble through me on to paper. Like this post, in fact.

I love this blog. I love that people read it. I love that people send me private messages and ask my opinions. I love that I meet new people and they say ‘oh I really like your blog’ but I do sometimes feel embarrassed. It’s one thing writing about feeling fat or your kid struggling at school when its your mum and a few friends reading it, but quite another when you are Sharing with people you’ve never met.

The curse of oversharing

I’ve said to a few people recently that I thought I’d dial back the personal stuff. Does anyone really want to hear me moan yet again? After all who are my audience? Aren’t they mainly people that want to know out Kenya and not that my kids wont stop beating the crap out of each other.

I’m cursed with Oversharing. However often I remind myself that I’m a 42 year old mother of 3 kids and I must act with decorum, life never quite works that way. Within 5 minutes of meeting someone I’m telling a dirty joke, laying bare a litany of personal mishaps or being absolutely truthful in a world where it’s not always appropriate. It seems this spills over on to my blog. I’m not good at living in a shady world. I guess I’m all or nothing.

The trouble with consistently oversharing is it leaves you feeling vulnerable. The feeling of shame I have when I wake up after a glass of wine too many and wish I hadn’t said something is akin to the feeling I have when I post a blog that treads a little too close to the line.

Overstepping the line

There is a fine line on a blog. What is over sharing and what is ok? I try to post real stuff without overstepping. I try not to blog about my marriage. There was one time after a row that I typed up murderous blog about my husband but let it sit there and now it’s deleted. My husband says I shouldn’t blog about my kids. The other day he forwarded me an article about how sharing your children’s life on social media is a betrayal of trust. One that they wont thank me for when they grow up. I do worry about their friends reading back-stories about them that perhaps they would wish weren’t public knowledge when they are older.

Being real and authentic

I’ve blogged about depression and anxiety and feeling lonely and struggling to make friends. I’m ok with sharing thee personal things but I’m conscious that I don’t want to make the blog a tearful rant every time that I’m feeling down. I believe that people like to read articles, which they can relate to. If every blog is about how we’ve had another lunch at a local restaurant, how does one relate to that? Blogging about my personal life is about showing vulnerability. For me finding someone in a similar situation makes me feel less lonely. To read a blog about how someone has overcome, gives me hope. Motherhood can be a lonely place. Expat life can be a lonely place. Social media is the source of many modern ills but it can also be a home, a haven, and a safe place. A place to find people who are similar to you or sharing similar life experiences to you.

The over sharing and being authentic vs. keeping it professional and being untrue to my character is a difficult line to draw. On one hand I want to be open and genuine but on the other I don’t want to be the weeping guest at the party, drunkenly wailing about every little wrong in my life.

What do I get from blogging and why do I do it?

I think a good rule of thumb should be to ask myself. What reaction do I want from this? What outcome am I hoping for? Am I going to be embarrassed to bump into someone in the shop when they say ‘I read your blog this morning…?’

If I answer those questions honestly. What do I get from blogging?

• I get a record of places and experiences that I might otherwise forget
• I get to meet people online and in person that I might not otherwise have met
• I get support and camaraderie when I post about a subject that is painful or close to my heart. I love that people message me to empathize, sympathize or just tell me I’m doing a good job.
• I get a sense of purpose that as a stay at home mum I might not otherwise find. A reason to not go back to bed after the school run.
• I enjoy it
• I enjoy the relationships I have with people.

So I figure I’m going to carry on for now… and hope that those you who have supported me and connected with me continue to do so. Just please tell me when the moaning and caterwauling is just too much.

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