On Saturday morning March 1st, Marci and I went to the NICU first thing in the morning to see our boy. When we got there, the weekend crew of nurses was on duty. We didn't know any of them and the Nurse assigned to Rylan didn't have much to say about his condition. This was probably because she had just come on, but we were so used to asking questions and getting an answer that we were upset. Later on, we got to know her and turns out she is an awesome nurse.
Anyway, there we stood by Rylan's crib staring at him. He still had the chest tubes, ventilator and all the other leads hooked up to equipment that beep, rang, and did all sorts of things that we didn't understand. As we stood there, we began to cry. All the emotions of Thursday came pouring back in and the heartache returned. We hurt so bad because he was so helpless and because of the sedation, lifeless.
I LOST IT...
I started weeping because I couldn't control it. I wanted him to get better and I even remembered saying "I wish he would just grab my hand!" I was hurting and Marci was agonizing with me. It was truly rock bottom and the worst thing about it was that I kept hearing the nurses behind me talking about everything from Girl Scout Cookies to what food their kids spit up while eating. I know it wasn't their fault that Rylan was sick, but I guess it hurt so much because their lives were going on just fine and dandy, while we seemed to be crawling on our bellies through a swamp.
We had to get out of there so we retreated to our room.
When we got there, we broke down. Thank God for Marci's mom that was there and gave us the voice of reason. She reminded us how all of the tests were coming back good and Rylan was getting better by the minute. We knew this was the truth, but we were so beat down and the Devil was hitting us hard with doubt and diminishment.
He was getting better by the minute! The problem was, it was like watching grass grow: You know that it is growing, but you just can't see it happening. We prayed together and calmed down a little.
Throughout the day, we had several visitors. It was nice to see friends come by that cared about us and our family. Along with visitors, good news kept pouring in. Rylan had another chest Xray that came back clear and also, his blood work was getting better and better. I'll never forget when Marci's nurse Jenny came in and told us that he's not fighting for his life, but he's mending. Things were looking up!
Later, I met with the Doctor. She told me that she hoped to be able to wean him from the vent and hopefully take him off of it in a few days. Actually, they clamped the chest tubes a couple hours after I talked to her, because Rylan no longer needed them. And, they had reduced his oxygen level to 21%, which is room air!
Saturday night was a long one. All night long, the loudspeakers kept going off in the hallways announcing that someone had coded. "Code Blue Heart and Vascular"... "Code Blue ICU"... "Code Blue ER"... and about three helicopter arrivals and departures made the nighttime anxiety levels rise. I don't think Marci, nor her mom slept a wink. I slept more than them, but was awake for the codes.
BUT, Sunday saw the dawn of a new day. We went to the NICU at 9:00 AM and saw Rylan. He still looked the same, but we now were much, much, much more optimistic. We talked to him, prayed for him, and left after about 30 minutes or so. Back at the room, we waited...
In the past few days, the nurses started becoming more and more concerned with how high Marci's blood pressure was staying. She never had hypertension until now. First of all, post pregnancy hypertension is normal and all of them kept telling us that it would come down. Also, with the stress we had been through, it was understandable. But when they took her BP on Sunday morning they said it shouldn't have been that high even if she had run up the stairs! Then, they took mine, and it was even higher. SO, the nurses put both of us to bed with cold rags on our heads and told us to calm down...
By 11:20 AM, I felt calm enough to go to the NICU. I went down and scrubbed in. The first person I ran into was the charge nurse that told me they had just finished doing a whole bunch of things to our son. This scared me, but she was smiling the whole time! When I got to his crib, I realized that the tubes were gone from his chest, and he was OFF THE VENT!!!! I shouted as I ran out the NICU and down the hall to tell Marci. She cried, I cried, everybody cried! We were on a high until they told us they were going to bottle feed him too. Then we got down. We knew that if he failed the bottle feed, we'd be off to somewhere for another scope.
At about 1:00 PM, the Doctor came in and told us that Rylan had taken 20cc's of a bottle and did fine! Again I shouted!!! She told us she would keep feeding him ever four hours and monitor him. For the rest of the day, he did great on the bottle and things were really looking up for sure.
But, Monday dawned with Marci's blood pressure still out of sight. She was averaging around 170/110 and at about 3:00 PM she got very sick with headache and vomiting. They took her for a catscan and gave her medicine. Now, I was more worried about my wife than my baby!
We had already stayed two extra days while they monitored the blood pressure, and it looked like we'd be in another night. I worried about her blood pressure but the catscan came back fine. But most of all, I was worried about leaving the hospital without our baby and going home and having to see his nursery empty. That I dreaded most...
We had a pretty good night of sleep in anticipation of spending more time with our son in the NICU on Tuesday. When we went to see him Tuesday morning, his nurse Pat showed us how the site of his chest tube penetrations looked like little stripes that he'd have forever. We had already claimed the healing scripture about stripes and now we could see it!. Marci fed him and they told us he could possibly go home on Thursday after finishing his antibiotics.
That evening, we got the boot from the hospital. Even though Marci's BP was still sky high, we had to leave without our little one there. We knew he was in good hands, but it just didn't seem right to go home without him. We went to our house and stood in the nursery and cried. We were home, but missing our baby.
Wednesday, I went back to work. As you can imagine, my mind was elsewhere, but I was blessed to have so many of my co-workers stop by and ask about Rylan. I was humbled by so many telling me they had been praying. I also had many opportunities to tell of the 'God Thing' going on with my child. After work, Marci and I went to the NICU and I got to feed my son. I was terrified, but it worked out pretty good and they told us to be ready tomorrow to take him home. We were excited! But scared too.
Thursday morning, I went to work waiting on the call to come get Rylan. Marci and here mom went on to the hospital and I would have joined them were it not for the fact that I had to go at lunch and buy a rocking chair. I know, I know... wait until the last minute. But I found the perfect chair and threw it in the back of the truck. Right after I started toward the house to drop it off, my phone rang and it was the nurse in the NICU telling me to head that way.
To wind up the rest of this story, we took Rylan home at 3:00 PM Thursday March 6, 2006, ten days after he entered this world. In his first 10 days, he had been born, then died, been resuscitated, was put on a ventilator, poked and prodded countless times, Xrayed 8+ times, and all the while hooked up to strange machines that monitor every aspect of his body. He was as sick as a newborn can possibly get, but by God's grace and tons of answered prayers, he never left us permanently.
So, as I lie here on the couch with Rylan sleeping soundly on my chest, I will be the first one to admit that God really is in control. I also know that by His stripes we are healed. It is true that God has a big plan for this kid. Marci and I are looking forward to seeing that plan play out!
Anyway, there we stood by Rylan's crib staring at him. He still had the chest tubes, ventilator and all the other leads hooked up to equipment that beep, rang, and did all sorts of things that we didn't understand. As we stood there, we began to cry. All the emotions of Thursday came pouring back in and the heartache returned. We hurt so bad because he was so helpless and because of the sedation, lifeless.
I LOST IT...
I started weeping because I couldn't control it. I wanted him to get better and I even remembered saying "I wish he would just grab my hand!" I was hurting and Marci was agonizing with me. It was truly rock bottom and the worst thing about it was that I kept hearing the nurses behind me talking about everything from Girl Scout Cookies to what food their kids spit up while eating. I know it wasn't their fault that Rylan was sick, but I guess it hurt so much because their lives were going on just fine and dandy, while we seemed to be crawling on our bellies through a swamp.
We had to get out of there so we retreated to our room.
When we got there, we broke down. Thank God for Marci's mom that was there and gave us the voice of reason. She reminded us how all of the tests were coming back good and Rylan was getting better by the minute. We knew this was the truth, but we were so beat down and the Devil was hitting us hard with doubt and diminishment.
He was getting better by the minute! The problem was, it was like watching grass grow: You know that it is growing, but you just can't see it happening. We prayed together and calmed down a little.
Throughout the day, we had several visitors. It was nice to see friends come by that cared about us and our family. Along with visitors, good news kept pouring in. Rylan had another chest Xray that came back clear and also, his blood work was getting better and better. I'll never forget when Marci's nurse Jenny came in and told us that he's not fighting for his life, but he's mending. Things were looking up!
Later, I met with the Doctor. She told me that she hoped to be able to wean him from the vent and hopefully take him off of it in a few days. Actually, they clamped the chest tubes a couple hours after I talked to her, because Rylan no longer needed them. And, they had reduced his oxygen level to 21%, which is room air!
Saturday night was a long one. All night long, the loudspeakers kept going off in the hallways announcing that someone had coded. "Code Blue Heart and Vascular"... "Code Blue ICU"... "Code Blue ER"... and about three helicopter arrivals and departures made the nighttime anxiety levels rise. I don't think Marci, nor her mom slept a wink. I slept more than them, but was awake for the codes.
BUT, Sunday saw the dawn of a new day. We went to the NICU at 9:00 AM and saw Rylan. He still looked the same, but we now were much, much, much more optimistic. We talked to him, prayed for him, and left after about 30 minutes or so. Back at the room, we waited...
In the past few days, the nurses started becoming more and more concerned with how high Marci's blood pressure was staying. She never had hypertension until now. First of all, post pregnancy hypertension is normal and all of them kept telling us that it would come down. Also, with the stress we had been through, it was understandable. But when they took her BP on Sunday morning they said it shouldn't have been that high even if she had run up the stairs! Then, they took mine, and it was even higher. SO, the nurses put both of us to bed with cold rags on our heads and told us to calm down...
By 11:20 AM, I felt calm enough to go to the NICU. I went down and scrubbed in. The first person I ran into was the charge nurse that told me they had just finished doing a whole bunch of things to our son. This scared me, but she was smiling the whole time! When I got to his crib, I realized that the tubes were gone from his chest, and he was OFF THE VENT!!!! I shouted as I ran out the NICU and down the hall to tell Marci. She cried, I cried, everybody cried! We were on a high until they told us they were going to bottle feed him too. Then we got down. We knew that if he failed the bottle feed, we'd be off to somewhere for another scope.
At about 1:00 PM, the Doctor came in and told us that Rylan had taken 20cc's of a bottle and did fine! Again I shouted!!! She told us she would keep feeding him ever four hours and monitor him. For the rest of the day, he did great on the bottle and things were really looking up for sure.
But, Monday dawned with Marci's blood pressure still out of sight. She was averaging around 170/110 and at about 3:00 PM she got very sick with headache and vomiting. They took her for a catscan and gave her medicine. Now, I was more worried about my wife than my baby!
We had already stayed two extra days while they monitored the blood pressure, and it looked like we'd be in another night. I worried about her blood pressure but the catscan came back fine. But most of all, I was worried about leaving the hospital without our baby and going home and having to see his nursery empty. That I dreaded most...
We had a pretty good night of sleep in anticipation of spending more time with our son in the NICU on Tuesday. When we went to see him Tuesday morning, his nurse Pat showed us how the site of his chest tube penetrations looked like little stripes that he'd have forever. We had already claimed the healing scripture about stripes and now we could see it!. Marci fed him and they told us he could possibly go home on Thursday after finishing his antibiotics.
That evening, we got the boot from the hospital. Even though Marci's BP was still sky high, we had to leave without our little one there. We knew he was in good hands, but it just didn't seem right to go home without him. We went to our house and stood in the nursery and cried. We were home, but missing our baby.
Wednesday, I went back to work. As you can imagine, my mind was elsewhere, but I was blessed to have so many of my co-workers stop by and ask about Rylan. I was humbled by so many telling me they had been praying. I also had many opportunities to tell of the 'God Thing' going on with my child. After work, Marci and I went to the NICU and I got to feed my son. I was terrified, but it worked out pretty good and they told us to be ready tomorrow to take him home. We were excited! But scared too.
Thursday morning, I went to work waiting on the call to come get Rylan. Marci and here mom went on to the hospital and I would have joined them were it not for the fact that I had to go at lunch and buy a rocking chair. I know, I know... wait until the last minute. But I found the perfect chair and threw it in the back of the truck. Right after I started toward the house to drop it off, my phone rang and it was the nurse in the NICU telling me to head that way.
To wind up the rest of this story, we took Rylan home at 3:00 PM Thursday March 6, 2006, ten days after he entered this world. In his first 10 days, he had been born, then died, been resuscitated, was put on a ventilator, poked and prodded countless times, Xrayed 8+ times, and all the while hooked up to strange machines that monitor every aspect of his body. He was as sick as a newborn can possibly get, but by God's grace and tons of answered prayers, he never left us permanently.
So, as I lie here on the couch with Rylan sleeping soundly on my chest, I will be the first one to admit that God really is in control. I also know that by His stripes we are healed. It is true that God has a big plan for this kid. Marci and I are looking forward to seeing that plan play out!
