God gives to us what we need most. If he doesn't give it, its not what we need most or we are not sufficiently humbling ourselves (i.e. praying) to receive it.
To say it another way, we may need Humility more then something else we think we need or want more/most, so pray and if you are truly humble/dependent on God he *may grant it.
Prayer isn't about "getting things" it's about receiving things i.e. humility.
Our greatest need is God himself. The primary disposition necessary to experience him to the fullest of his infinite glory is humility expressed in or by our dependence i.e. A sense of desperate need for God above a need for anything and everything else. Prayer is the greatest evidence of this humility/dependence.
If God withholds secondary needs it is to strengthen our awareness of this primary need for him thereby increasing a closer union/ communion with him.
The greatest evidence of our awareness of a primary need for him is prayer. Prayer is the language/expression of humility. You may have tremendous gifts, skills and resources but if you do not have humility you are not truly walking with God as you were designed to.
A focus on others
The best way to know we are truly dependent on God is when we seek (pray for) things for the benefit of others; Christ first and our neighbors second.
We can not focus on others if we are not drawing from the Love of God first. We must have (sacrificial) love to give/love sacrificially.
The more connected we are to God the more love we have and the more lovely (able to love sacrificially) we are.
And we are not drawing from the love of God unless we are in union/harmony with him.
And we are not in union with him without humility.
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*actually he will grant it when we are truly humble. I only say "may" because only God knows when our hearts are truly in a sufficient posture of humility to recieve it; we only think we know. And if we think we are when we are not, we will falsely expect the answer we are praying for.
This is why persistence in prayer is encouraged. Our persistance itself is a humbling process. If we persist long enough we may be sufficiently humbled so we are able to receive the answer we seek.
Often what we seek is not the issue to unanswered prayers, sufficient humility is i.e. why we seek it.
