In my last post, I described the beginning of an end where he had damaged me when pushing me away in front of his friends. He did write and called me over the very next day and of course - I went. Skipping another day in school, telling some other lies to teachers, parents and little of the friends left.

And again the same - he was working on his sister's unfinished house and I had to wait until he got things done. I actually did some schoolwork to pass the time. Surprisingly for me and for others, I still liked studying. I think it was just a way to pass the time and escape my own thoughts. I was always prepared for tests, I just never made it to school on the right day. 

When he had time, we had sex wich had grown boring and dull for me and after that. he returned to what ever he wanted to and I passed time again with some reading or talking to his sister. Being addicted to attention and worship - I started to look for other options.

This is when all hell broke loose. I started online dating again and it didn't take long to find myself in the middle of having sex with strange men who picked me up once or twice. There was a handsome boy with serious personal issues, there was a really short firefighter, there was a horny and desperate young man and there was still Richard.  

What a slut! I really think like this now. But remember, sex was not my addiction, my serious need was attention and loving and apparently I got none from those partners, so I just went on carelessly. I didn't use protection, none of the men wanted it either. Thank God I was smart enough to use birth-control pills (that I carefully hid from my parents!). I didn't get any STD either ( I find it kind of a miracle after all that picking my partner randomly). I actually DID sleep with any guy who wanted me. I am shaking my head at the moment and wondering what the heck was wrong with me.







This kind of behaviour lasted for a month, then I met someone in real life (never met anyone out of online dating). First I thought he was the prince charming and again: I could not have been more wrong. I was dragged from one hellish period of my life to another devastating era.