Does anyone else remember that show? It was hosted by a woman named “Mother Love” in the late 1990s, then Robin Givens took on her role in the 2000s. Guest would come in and divulge an elaborate story about how they wronged their neighbor/sister/brother/mother/father/grandpa/cousin/ex-boyfriend/baby moms/co-worker/wife’s boyfriend. Unsure of how the other person feels, the audience and the accused would wait to see if they have been forgiven by opening up a door. If the person they hurt was behind the door, they were forgiven. If not… Then you know the rest. If you’ve never seen it, watch the clip below:
Poor Patrick! Such an interesting way of dealing with the shortcomings of others. If only our brains allowed a comedienne from the 90s determine our life choices. Sigh.
Understanding that we are all flawed in some way or another, you would think I would be more forgiving of others. Yet I have the uncanny ability to recall how every person in my life (or no longer in my life) has slighted me. While I may not hold it against them, I still remember. Some, I could forgive and continue some sort of relationship to an extent. Others have been snubbed; however, not necessarily forgotten. Forgotten is a little harsh if you ask me. I’d like to think of them as no longer a stressor in my life.
I have made people upset, said things that were unnecessary, and I’m sure I have hurt people I cared about. In those instances, I am beyond grateful that the people I care most about have found some way to Accept who I am and forgive me as I learn from my mistakes. I, on the other hand, find it terribly challenging to provide others with the same courtesy. I am not a hostile person by any means. I just find it difficult to repeatedly deal with the same behavior. I tend to write people off immediately at the slightest hint of inconsistency. As a person who claims to be Christian, you would think I would practice being more forgiving of others. Fortunately, I’m not only Christian, I am brutally honest. Even when it does not paint me in the best light.
I truly admire those who can constantly forgive others by either learning to accept the person’s imperfections or hoping that the person will change for the better. So many of my friends possess these attributes! Don’t get me wrong. I can overlook an abundance of flaws! As I stated before, the problem becomes deciding if I want to willingly accept a known Negative Stressor. Many times, I use logic in deciding whether the cost to my peace is not worth the effort. Some may see it as resentful while I see it as self-preservation.
And still I wonder how does one balance protecting their peace while understanding that people will make multiple mistakes because we are only human? What if every person I have disappointed in the past chose to remove me from their life because I was their negative stressor? I would only be left with Lana and Archer…my cats.
As I navigate the different relationships in my life (family, professional, romantic, platonic), I am realizing forgiveness involves removing the padding around my ego. Isn’t that the reason why we get upset in the first place? How could this person do this to me?! A bruised ego can sometimes hold us back from being vulnerable again. We do not want to allow that kind of hurt or disappointment to repeatedly occur. Yet cutting someone out of your life isn’t going to guarantee protection from ever being offended or hurt. The ability to forgive and accept others’ faults allows us to live in the present and offers us the freedom to move forward. This is the type of maturity I am working towards.
