This doesn't really have anything to do with dating in Japan, but it's been on my mind the last few days. Partway into my junior year of college I became friends with a guy in my Japanese Class. Justy was a broad-framed geeky gamer with a streak of proud Scottish heritage. We both got to Japanese class early and struck up a friendship. He had a great sarcastic streak and could keep almost any conversation topic going. It used to be fun to get bubble tea after classes and hang out playing jenga and chatting. At first I had a growing crush on him, but never seriously considered a relationship.

He dated disasters. Every one of his ex-girlfriend stories were filled with crazies. All of them except for his current girlfriend, soon to be fiancée. I didn't know about her the first few months we were talking. Sometimes I don't know if I ever seriously wanted to date Justy. He could get on my nerves. I always seem to be attracted to and repelled by guys who will use straight conventional logic to undermine my more fanciful theories. Just let me rationalize and make up facts every once in awhile, yeesh! However, I do know that we had a good friendship and I felt comfortable talking to him about almost anything. I don't find this with guys very often.

When I saw a picture of his girlfriend the first time I got that sharp pang of jealousy and started comparing myself to her. I was prettier than she was, I was smarter, more ambitious, more fashionable, had more things in common with him, etc. I had all these terrible thoughts. He didn't help the situation at all by constantly saying things like "if I hadn't met my girlfriend you and I might have dated", or "you're my type". After all the crazies he dated though maybe that last one isn't a compliment. One day he sent me a link to take the match.com personality test and our results were eerily similar. He again made a point of saying we would have been a good match if only he wasn't so in love with his fiancée. I mean what the hell is up with that? Was he trying to keep me on a back burner in case things with her failed? Was he just too honest for his own good? Clueless? Was he teasing me? Trying to boost his ego?

By the time I met his girlfriend she must have heard enough about me that she was suspicious and hovered around him, while simultaneously giving me "back away from my boy" looks. I decided I didn't need any of this and was more than happy to appear as uninterested as possible. Eventually she calmed down enough to stop imprinting her fingerprints into his arm every time I showed up. She's really a good person. I like her well enough and think they make a cute couple. Last year Justy and I both graduated from college. I moved to Japan. He and his girlfriend got married this year and we haven't talked much since. It's partly the time difference. We have very different responsibilities now. We are both lazy bastards. I still have his wedding gift sitting on the floor of my office. I'll send it out one of these days.

I miss talking to him regularly. It's as ridiculously simple as writing an e-mail. Why does it feel all sorts of complicated?