Again, I am going to range a little from the divorce subject.  This month is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.  Many of the people who read this blog are friends of mine on Facebook.  Those people are, by now, familiar with MY personal opinion on abuse, be it physical or mental.

If you have read my previous blogs, you are also aware of my opinions on this subject.

But, what I would like to do is to take a moment to appeal to the MEN who read my blog, and here is why:  When I have posted things about abuse as my status on Facebook, the Women ALL comment on it, thank me for posting something, and like the post.  The MEN, aside from one or two….are STRANGELY SILENT.

Now guys, I am going to explain a couple things about MY personal views.  I am also going to say some things about abusers, but HERE is the deal:  As long as MEN don’t universally stand up and tell OTHER men that we don’t find abuse to be acceptable…as long as men give it a nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more…or even WORSE, somehow think the woman DESERVED it….this is NOT going to stop!

Okay, first to MY views on women in general.  Guys, aside from upper body strength, there is not a SINGLE thing on this planet that a man can do better than a woman.  Look at marathon times for women and how quickly they are catching the men’s times.  Now, you can sit there and think “Well, that isn’t true, or women wouldn’t be abused!”

Don’t be STUPID.  It comes down to a factor of size.  If a guy who is 6 foot three can beat up a guy who is 5 foot nine, then certainly they greatly out mass a woman who is 5 foot SIX!  Couple that with upper body strength, and that is the ONLY reason they big guy doesn’t get his ass handed to him on a PHYSICAL level!

And women, MENTALLY, are capable of ANYTHING a man is capable of.  PERIOD.  I don’t care if its math, science, computers, you name it…this BS that men are somehow superior in the sciences is simply the product of a culture that, for hundreds of years, has told women they AREN’T capable of doing science from an early age.  If men had been told they same thing, then THEY would be the ones seemingly under performing in that arena.

Now, that being said, there ARE psychological differences between men and women.  Men are more aggressive, men are more direct, by and large, and men are more likely to express themselves on a direct  physical or verbal level.  Because men are less capable of dealing with their emotions.  Now, SOME of that is cultural, and some of that is psychological.  BUT THIS DOESN’T MEAN MEN ARE SOMEHOW BETTER!  It just means we are different in the WAY we express our emotions.  Us men either REPRESS it till it explodes out, or are aggressive right out of the gate…and guys?  Neither of those methods is GOOD.

Actually, it is easy to make the argument that WOMEN are SUPERIOR in this area.  Because they generally DON’T explode in a destructive manner…to MY mind that says SUPERIOR!

Now, I admit to being an adherent to chivalry…to an EXTENT.  That means I get the door for a woman, or the chair at the dinner table…on dates, I generally pay the entire bill, etc.  But that in NO sense means I think woman are inferior…its my way of showing RESPECT!  There isn’t ANYTHING within the PARTS of chivalry that I adhere to that smack of condescension or superiority.

Now, lets look at some pathetic stats for a minute.  I got them from the American Bar Association.

• In a 1995-1996 study conducted in the 50 States and the District of Columbia, nearly 25% of women were raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting Partner, or dating partner/acquaintance at some time in their lifetime
• Approximately 1.3 million women are physically assaulted by an Intimate Partner annually in the United States.
• Intimate partner violence made up 20% of all nonfatal violent crime experienced by women in 2001.
• In 2000, 1,247 women  were killed by an intimate partner. In recent years, an intimate partner killed approximately 33% of female murder victims.
• Between 1998 and 2002, of the almost 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members, 49% of these were crimes against spouses.  Further, 84% of spouse abuse victims were females, and 86% of victims of dating partner abuse at were female.
• 1,006,970 women  are stalked annually in the United States and 81% of women stalked by a current or former intimate partner are also physically assaulted by that partner.
• Most perpetrators of sexual violence are men. Among acts of sexual violence committed against women since the age of 18, 100% of rapes, 92% of physical assaults, and 97% of stalking acts were perpetrated by men.
• Another national survey found that 34% of women were victims of sexual coercion by a husband or intimate partner in their lifetime.

Okay…who reading these stats isn’t just a BIT freaked out by them, guys?  THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!  And NONE of this takes MENTAL abuse into account, so the numbers only go UP!

Here is how bad it is:  When I last posted some stuff about abuse as my status on FB, I had about 110 friends.  Of those friends, about 80 were female.  Of those 80 female friends, 35 messaged me privately about suffering SOME kind of abuse.  This isn’t some statistical scientific thing, but think about this a moment:  ALMOST HALF of those women, who were friends from ALL walks of life, countries, backgrounds, etc, had been ABUSED!

Now, I see us MEN, all the time, getting uncomfortable with this, not speaking up, or turning a blind eye when we KNOW a guy who does this.  WE CAN’T KEEP DOING THAT!

Ok, so 34% of women experience abuse.  So, guys, think of ten women you know and love:  Aunts, cousins, YOUR MOM, SISTERS, friends.  Out of those ten you just thought of, between 3 and 4 of those ten EITHER HAVE OR WILL BE ABUSED!  Doesn’t that just make you blood BOIL?  It SHOULD!

So, then WHY is it ACCEPTABLE for your guy FRIEND to do that to someone ELSE’S mother, sister, cousin, friend, etc?

Here is the deal with abusers:  They HATE themselves, but don’t have the guts to either change, or kill themselves and take themselves out of the GENE POOL!  So they take it out on someone who is weaker and can’t FIGHT BACK!  They are PATHETIC excuses for human beings.  There is NO EXCUSE for someone who abuses a partner….NONE!

I have said this before, and I will say it again:  I caught my ex CHEATING on me and I STILL DIDN’T TOUCH HER!

“You wuss!”

You know what?  If you thought that when you read it, you really need HELP!

So, I don’t want to hear this BS about how women “Deserve it” or “Asked for it” or “Had it coming”.  And if you sit there and you KNOW a friend of yours is abusing a partner?  YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN THEY ARE.  You are saying its OK for them to do this!

REAL MEN DON’T ABUSE WOMEN.  They don’t STALK them, they don’t HIT them, they don’t RIP THEM APART verbally day in and day out.  REAL MEN are looking for a PARTNER, who makes them BETTER, who they treat as an EQUAL, because THEY ARE!!

And REAL MEN don’t want their SONS growing up to think this is acceptable, or worse, BECOME one of these abusers, or their DAUGHTERS growing up to be one of those 34%.

So if you are sitting there thinking “Well, I am a real man, but I have done some of that to women.”  Sorry, I am gonna be really blunt and unsympathetic here:  YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.  So do us ALL a favor and either GET HELP or KILL YOURSELF.  Those are your two choices.

I’ll be even MORE blunt.  You better pray I am not the one catching you abusing a woman.  Because I’ll save you the suicide and take you out myself.  THAT’S HOW BAD A PERSON YOU ARE!

Guys, we need to stand up WITH our female friends and relatives.  They can bring awareness about it, march about it, and write about it, until they are blue in the face.  But if WE don’t stand there BESIDE them, its NOT GOING TO CHANGE!

So, here is what I want, two fold:

• Men: I want comments on my blog agreeing with me.  That’s it, just a comment saying you AGREE.  And forward this to your MALE friends.
• Women: I want you to FORWARD this blog to EVERY MAN YOU KNOW, and MAKE THEM post a comment.  We already know YOUR opinion on this, ladies.  I mean NO offense, but MEN need to stand there with you on this!

And men, if you KNOW someone who is a stalker, abuser, etc.  REPORT THEM TO THE POLICE.  BRING PRESSURE ON THEM.  DON’T LET THIS HIDE IN THE SHADOWS!  I am NOT saying YOU should kill them…but you CAN STOP THEM.

ONE PHONE CALL.  That’s IT, guys!  If you are afraid of the person, ONE call to the POLICE, or domestic abuse.  DO SOMETHING!

Out of every ten women you know, over three WILL be ABUSED at SOME point during their life.  If that fact doesn’t DISGUST and REPULSE you….you AREN’T a REAL MAN!

And, Ladies, I want to apologize for these abusers.  I know it means nothing, in the grand scheme of things.  But REMEMBER:  You DON’T deserve it, you DON’T have to tolerate it, and MOST men are NOT like that.

To those ladies I know personally…especially the best mother I know?  I am SORRY I was not there to help you during that time.  I know I did not know you then…but I wish I had.  Then you wouldn’t have endured what you did.  I am sorry that all these years later, the experience has still colored your life and haunted your dreams.  You deserve better.  I wish I could truly express the depths of my disgust, loathing, and sympathy.

So MEN:  ONE IN THREE WOMEN ARE ABUSED AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES.  What are WE going to do to help our PARTNERS on this planet?  I am waiting to hear I am not the ONLY man who is this pissed off!

Allons-y!

A quick Post Script:  If you are a victim of abuse, of EITHER sex, click this link for help:  CLICK HERE.