Another month…another disappointment…another Failure. AF made its entry once again yesterday. This month, I was more or less expecting failure as there hardly had been any intimacy time with my husband because of the erratic work hours in his previous job and hecticness involved in shifting homes. With my in-laws around, I don’t get to sleep after Fajr and I’m busy most of the day, thus, I’m so tired at the end of the day that I just fall asleep the moment I hit the bed…which is usually after midnight.
But even after expecting to fail, failure hurts – a lot. In my new neighbourhood, one of the first things people enquire about is whether I have any kids and their next question usually is how long I’ve been married for. And then, they jump on to draw some inauspicious conclusion about me which deeply hurts me. I don’t like judgemental people .I wish they would mind their own business. Struggling with infertility makes you utterly sensitive , so, what a normal person may perceive as an ordinary comment is often quite insulting to me.
A couple of months more and 2017 will soon come to an end. Another year of trying and failing, trying and failing…this journey has immensely tired me. I do not know when I will manage to reach my destination towards success.