Do you have a crew? A village? A queen team? An army of loyal companions?

I do! I don’t need a battalion of people, I don’t need them to all get along, but I do need them. Some I’ve known for like, ever! Some are family, Some have come into my life like the rainbow at the end of a Storm and some I’ve hand picked in a field full of roses. I feel very lucky, they all mean different things to me for different reasons and my world spins on its axis because of them.

I am an incredibly emotional person, I cry at adverts and I talk openly about being a hot mess. Actually, turns out I’m utterly crap at being that vunerable around others. Truly even with my troop, I rarely shed the tears that will no doubt happen once I’m in the security of my own home. I like to be Needed, I like to be the one who shows up at your door with flowers, cakes and a hug when you’re not able to see the end in sight. I like to be the person who doesn’t let on she’s not okay, not because my girlies couldn’t cope with it, but because I don’t like to change roles, I’m good at being needed, not good at being needy. Its not a good thing because when I am in need I drown so fast, it’s like a led weight has been tied to my ankle, all the while holding my breath and pretending to be in control.

I want to take this opportunity to apologise to all my beautiful friends who ride the days out with me. Who know I’m not okay, but say nothing because they know I am not strong enough to let them see my darkness. All the time I’m smiling and drowning, I’ve not ever noticed until now that you’ve always been in the darkness, right there with me, edging me closer to the surface while not letting me feel any less needed, while making sure I didn’t feel too needy.

I sometimes wonder if I left, would I be but a ripple in the pond in their lives? Or would I leave a tidlewave? Would I be the person they’d miss?? Do you ever think that about yourself? Like, truly would that friendship just slowly fade with time? I’d like to think my girls, the handpicked ones, the stormy rainbows and the oldest of old would weather every storm, would walk every road and carry me over every single finish line, because what we have isn’t friendship, it’s a sisterhood. It flows deeper than the idle conversations, it’s roots entwine us together for a life time of moments, some good, some bad.

Do you have those people? Are you lucky like I am? Tell them how much you love them, all the while you’re growing, they’re growing with you. Friends come and go, relationships end, but these people, the ride or die chicks, they’re there for life, don’t ever take them for granted.

I love you, thank you.

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