Are you afraid that you might end up stranded in the middle of a forest with only your wits to survive by? Well never fear, for I have written a series of Survival Tips based on information learned on my school camping trip in 6th grade, wild speculation, and lies.

Eric's Survival Tips
1. Don't cry. Bears can smell tears from up to 10 miles away.
2. Mountain lions will fall asleep if you whistle 'Sexy Back' by Justin Timberlake.
3. If you run into any snakes, just give up, you're pretty much dead no matter what.
4. It's like 100 degrees out. Why are you wearing a jacket? Take off that jacket. Jesus. This isn't rocket science here.
5. With the right seasonings, insects can be a delicious high protein snack. Try grasshoppers lightly sprinkled with cheeseburgers, or caterpillars doused in chocolate and honey.