A very recent incident which involved a side tracked husband caught my attention recently. Wifey lives with her Mother and three kids. Husband plays the “Santa Claus” role by taking the kids out on their birthdays. Wifey goes to work, leaving the kids with a 65 year old mother, to single handedly bathe, feed, cook, clean the house and run after them. Wifey feels she is playing her part by giving the mother some allowances to manage the household. But given the above scenario, is she really in a supporting role?
I’d vote for the mother as the “real” supporter in this case. Raising 2 young kids at this time and age is not an easy task. It seems a little too daunting for the own mother herself when she is forced to spend time after work or over weekend with them. Naturally the task becomes easier as the Children grow but little does wifey realize that the task is zapping her own mother of her rightful freedom. The freedom to do things that she truly enjoys such as reading, watching a favorite TV program or simply resting.
Although most would argue that Grandparents have nothing else to do since they are retired, the reality is a far cry from the truth.
The above scenario is not new to most people these days. We hear about grandparents turned into baby sitters as if they are destined to do it. The logic often used is that grandparents love their grandchildren and they naturally enjoy doing it.
Let’s inject a few elements of truth here. The cardinal duty of taking care of their children falls on the own parents. The constraints of economy have brought about dual income family where both parents have to work to bring food to the table. This has started the trend of sending children to day care and preschools earlier than the supposed age. Unfortunately, not many parents choose this option as it can be geographically impossible or economically not feasible to Send their children to a third party. Instead, they choose to send their children to their own retired parents, loading the task of baby sitting over their resting time.
Some give allowances in appreciation for the time taken while some others just close an eye. How to pay when our pay is not enough for us to buy rice even – is usually the argument.
There are always 2 sides to a coin, and this is no exception.
In reality, this is very common in Asian countries where grandparents who are either retired or have been homemakers their whole life are turned into super humans, expected to run after 3 year olds in their Frail Age. Sometimes I do wonder if these people ever consider their parents age when it comes to running after their children. What if they fall sick? Who will take care of them? What if they enjoy reading and quiet times? Can they then send the kids back to you at work to take care? There are sacrifices they have to make and considering their frail age and time, there is no time left for them to enjoy their own small pleasures of life.
They have all the rights to live as much as parents have the rights to work. They have paid their dues by raising us up and this is a period of time when they should be playing a real granny role, the pampering, and enjoying the companionship of their grandchildren.
If parents have planned to bring their offspring into the world, they should also plan to take care of them, in any way possible. If they are unsure about the hygiene of day care, pay the centers a visit; take extra precaution in choosing a day care for your own child.
If finance is really tight to send them to one and grandparents is the only alternative, find means to assist with the housework, prepare meals before hand so granny doesn’t end up having to do everything. Give them small unexpected treats occasionally – send them off for a holiday over a weekend, sponsor them a spa or massage session or simply allow them their TV time and take the kids out over a weekend or two. This will give them some peace at home for them to focus on them for a change. Everyone needs a time of their own, and they are no exception.
Some of the above suggestions don’t involve monetary investment but it’s the thought that counts, truly.
