Today, being a Millionaire is like saying you have a refrigerator. Particularly if you reside in an urban area and own something bigger than a one-room apartment. You are already a millionaire.

Anyhow, if you’re anything like me, you receive loads of lame e-mails every day from online marketers promising to turn you into a millionaire. As though you weren’t already there. But more importantly, as though the person sending the e-mails was a millionaire.

Which they aren’t. How do I know? Let me count the ways, as Elizabeth Barrett Browning would say….

-Your crummy online video— is crummy— it’s a shaky selfie taken with a phone-! Where is the professional equipment and skill level?

-The Setting is either too low-life or too high-life. When you Skype from your basement, I can tell. When you rent a model home for an hour and stand in the kitchen or in front of the staircase, I can tell. Why are you choosing these settings for presentations?

-The publicity photos of you in front of a yacht, a sports car, or you in a beautiful home appear to be you— standing in front of other people’s things.

-You use your hands too much. The gestures have been taught by someone, somewhere, because they are not authentic. I live with an Italian who uses his hands to emphasize a point. Just not every point. It’s as though you are subconsciously waving off your intended audience, or waving your hands in circles to emphasize that this is going to be a crazy, circular scam.

-You don’t dress well. I know all about The Millionaire Next Door. Many do not need fancy homes, cars or clothes to prove who they are. I am acquainted with multi-millionaires who dress simply, wearing shorts, polos and deck shoes and live most of the year on a yacht. That is not the image you are portraying. The poor-appearing t-shirt says something entirely different.

I will not be opening your e-mails. The above information has been gleaned from two-minute promo videos and funnel letters which I also don’t read, scrolling right down to the bottom price tag for a cheap (free) laugh. When I unsubscribe to something I never subscribed to in the first place, dozens of joint venture partners pop up to take their place.

Sorry, but you’re a millionaire like those e-mail scammers who are dying with no heir in Nigeria and want to send you their last $50 million, but just need all of your banking information and an advance of a few hundred or thousand dollars to process the paperwork….

Right.

————-