A friend of mine who is married now, told me a year ago while she was engaged that she is changing. I didn’t understand then, but today when I can see myself being married by end of this year, I know that I am changing too, changing to suit the picture of an ideal daughter in law. The thought that you have to live with people who are not your family is scary. To fall in line with their rules is harder still considering I have to bury a lot of my lovely clothes away and forget about it. When prospective in laws come home I am shoved into the kitchen to make tea and fry some snacks. To be fair to the people who come home, they have no idea that all this is done so that they can see that I am House broken and comfortable in the kitchen and they will approve of me.
I feel men have it easy. A woman gets married and goes to his house; all he has to bare with is give up is a part of his bed, share a bit of his wardrobe and maybe if his newlywed wife makes a mistake his mother complains to him. A woman on the other hand has to give up her lovely bed, comfort blanket and adjust to a new room and family. A man will complain that he has to give up his freedom and fall in line with the wife which I feel is nonsense, because the man still goes out to work and meet his friends on a daily basis if he wishes. A woman on the other hand has to stop meeting her friends everyday and at best meet them once a week. A woman loses her freedom because here her in-laws would not appreciate their bahu going out so often to meet her friends or just do fun things outside the house because people will talk and also she needs to take care of the house. My grandmother gets palpitations seeing how I am today, worrying how I will manage a house considering I am barely at home and to quote her “ do not like to stay at home”.
A friend of mine said it depends on how much a person is willing to compromise, but isn’t marriage all about compromise! But the question is who has to compromise more? For some people clothes, friends etc is a small price you pay for a happy marriage, but who is giving up more? I asked a guy friend about this and his prompt answer was, obviously a woman is meant to give up a lot after marriage, it is expected. Really? Why is it expected?
I could go on forever how it is unfair for women and how asian men have it too easy, but right now my only concern is do the inlaws and husband ever appreciate what a woman gives up to be a part of their family? Do they know that all a woman looks for in her husband’s house is the same love she had in her house? In the larger scheme of things does it matter how well you can keep a house? Is it all about getting the in-laws to approve of your house work so that they won’t ever say that the girl's upbringing is flawed? What happens if the woman does not meet the expectations of the in-laws?