We've all done it. Sex with an ex aka backsliding. Sometimes it seems as if the things that drove you apart don't exist. For a few hours/days/minutes we can forget all of the reasons why we ever let them go. And although we know it may only be temporary, our physical bodies seem to have a lifelong attraction for some of our old acquaintances.
Realizing that it could never work, but also recognizing a beautiful connection I often wonder if I could ever compartmentalize my feelings enough to rekindle only the physical aspect of a previous Relationship. A relationship that I am certain to never go back to.
It seems that such strong emotions against a relationship would turn off any type of sexual Attraction but its just not that simple. When people are drawn together physically, it can drown out the noise of past transgressions. That attraction can be the only thing that matters sometimes. Of course coupled with a good relationship, it can be the stuff that dreams are made of, but what if you only have part of the winning combination? Do you throw away the whole thing, or do you save that piece that you still have?
Save the beauty is what I have thought to myself when I find myself looking at my ex snuggled comfortably in my bed. But when he is not there, and I am in my day to day life I wonder why I settled for a piece of something instead of holding out for the whole thing. Logically it doesn't make sense, but at those times...the heart wants what the heart wants. So I've decided that maybe there is not particular rule regarding this. I think that in life we move through it by taking pieces of happiness where we can get them. To live is to know that there is no whole piece. That love gets chipped and Broken all of the time and has to be stitched, repaired, and maintained at all costs. Maybe that one thing that keeps you coming back for more is the one thing that opens a dialogue to possibly fix what has been previously broken.
I'm not saying that sex is a good foundation of which to build a relationship. But I do know that in my experience, I have had some of the most honest and forthcoming conversations with my ex during these times. Funny how feeling as if there is nothing to lose makes it easier to put all of your cards on the table. During the times that we've "backslid" I've come to see my ex in a whole new light. I've seen his vulnerability and thoughtfulness. And even though I know I can't go back to him, I am now able to at least respect him.
