Do you have someone in your life that you are confident genuinely has your back? Will they be there when things are pleasant and when they aren’t?
Can you talk to them about anything and trust that they won’t turn around and use that information to hurt you?
Or is their friendship merely a means to an end?
It was recently international friendship day, and recent experiences got me thinking about the word “friend”. Who really are our friends? Why do we invest so much time into certain people and get upset when certain things happen? Were they ever really friends to begin with?
A lot of people ascribe a very loose definition to the word – with most settling for anyone who shows some interest in them or something they care about.
A popular message, I came across a few years ago by TD Jakes, broke it down into 3 categories, which I believe we ought to consider as we do life:
#1 The Comrade – People who fall into this category are also not your friends in the real sense of things. They are in your life because you have a common enemy. Have you ever heard the expression, the enemy of my enemy is my friend? They come into your life to fulfil a purpose. Once the battle/war is done, they go back to their lives, without you in it.
#2 The Constituent – people who fall into this category are not into you. They are friends with you because of what you are for/represent. This could be your group, party, connection – As long as your interests align, they will walk with you but be prepared for them to leave you after a while.
#3 The Confidant – people who fall into this category are very rare to find. They love you unconditionally! They are into you irrespective of whatever season you find yourself in – they are genuinely for you. There is no ulterior motive to them being in your life other than the fact that they really care for you and everything concerning you. This type of friend you know you can really do life with – they truly have your back.
When we assess the different relationships we have based on these categories, it makes it very clear how we ought to relate with the different groups of people in our lives.
*one good way to filter relationships is to watch how they react when you share certain news about yourself with them? your promotion? relationship? opportunities etc. its easy for some to fake happiness/interest initially, but watch what they do with the information over time.
Businesses emphasise KYC a lot – Know Your Customer. In the same vein, we will emphasise KYF – Know Your Friend. Learn all you can about people who come into your life – this will enable you determine what Category they Fall into. Note that this analysis may take time – so don’t be quick to put anyone you meet into a box without testing it out.
Have you also heard successful Businessmen say “it’s lonely at the top”? it must be because they learned that to stay on top they needed a smaller circle. Likewise as you grow, your circle of “friends” should start getting smaller, not wider. Sift your relationships for what they really are and stop trying to convert them into something it will never be. Spend your energy identifying the friend that falls into the category of ‘confidante’ and invest in that relationship.
