Right now Im Honestly struggling alot emotionally. I cant even explain whats bothering me- because I guess deep down I dont even know.
Funny how I posted all this stuff. All this real deep down stuff. And then the very next day my ex starts texting K. And trying to contact me. Saying she is concerned about my health. And wants to know how I am........ ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME?! Honest to freaking blog I had about 3 anxiety attacks and cried so hard I threw up twice. It makes me physically ill that she honestly has the audacity to think she has ANY RITE to even THINK about, let alone ask how I am doing- or how my health is.,... You spent the last three years putting your hands on me, belitting me, making me feel like a peice of shit... And now you want to know how I am? Yeah. I dont think so.
Not only has this stirred me emotionally- It also has me questioning my own sanity. Like in all honesty....Im just beyond confused. Ive spent the last 5 or 6 months living in fear. Terrified to leave my house. Terrified that she would find me and hurt me- or someone in my family. And now shes trying to be friendly? Ugh. So emotionally draining.... You have no idea. Im not stupid though. I definitely get that she is trying to play a game. Or trying to do something to come between K and I. I just honestly dont know what it is. So now Ive gone from feeling fear and being scared- to feeling anxious and being physically ill about it.
Im at the point where I think I am going to need to start my anxiety meds again because I find myself worrying and my heart racing at work and then I need to stop and remind myself to breathe...To remind myself that I am okay. To stop and count to 10. and watch a clock for fricken 30 seconds to make sure I dont start hyperventalating and faint. I never realized my anxiety was that bad until resently....
Funny how I posted all this stuff. All this real deep down stuff. And then the very next day my ex starts texting K. And trying to contact me. Saying she is concerned about my health. And wants to know how I am........ ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME?! Honest to freaking blog I had about 3 anxiety attacks and cried so hard I threw up twice. It makes me physically ill that she honestly has the audacity to think she has ANY RITE to even THINK about, let alone ask how I am doing- or how my health is.,... You spent the last three years putting your hands on me, belitting me, making me feel like a peice of shit... And now you want to know how I am? Yeah. I dont think so.
Not only has this stirred me emotionally- It also has me questioning my own sanity. Like in all honesty....Im just beyond confused. Ive spent the last 5 or 6 months living in fear. Terrified to leave my house. Terrified that she would find me and hurt me- or someone in my family. And now shes trying to be friendly? Ugh. So emotionally draining.... You have no idea. Im not stupid though. I definitely get that she is trying to play a game. Or trying to do something to come between K and I. I just honestly dont know what it is. So now Ive gone from feeling fear and being scared- to feeling anxious and being physically ill about it.
Im at the point where I think I am going to need to start my anxiety meds again because I find myself worrying and my heart racing at work and then I need to stop and remind myself to breathe...To remind myself that I am okay. To stop and count to 10. and watch a clock for fricken 30 seconds to make sure I dont start hyperventalating and faint. I never realized my anxiety was that bad until resently....
