So, I realize I've been absent and haven't updated in a coon's age. Lots has happened, and I promise to update you all eventually. But first things first.

Hi. My name is Trisa. And I am addicted to "Deadliest Catch".

Now can someone, anyone explain why???

Those of you who have read previous posts might remember my tale of nearly drowning in a lake in a thunderstorm as my loving family called out, "We'll pick you up on the way back", and sailed away. Ever since, I have had a dislike? fear? phobia? of boats. Put it simply, I leave them alone and they don't strand me in large bodies of seaweed producing, electric current carrying bodies of water.

So, number one, I don't like boats.

Number two, I don't like crab. In fact, after much watching of the show, I have decided that crab are like the cockroaches of the sea. No matter how many of them get killed each year, the little (okay incredibly large and frightening) bastards just keep breeding. This fear is also explained in a previous post. Crab....icky poo!

What keeps me tuning in?

Well, there is the lure of Alaska itself, I guess. It is the only state rivaling Texas on the badass meter. (Ok, we are NOT going to mention that Texas had to change it's state anthem because we can no longer claim to be the "biggest and grandest". Damned Alaska.) In fact the Discovery channel seems to have gone the extra mile to OD the general public on Alaskan programming. You've got "Deadliest Catch" and all it's previous incarnations, and there was the "Alaska Experiment", and some others that I can't remember. But run a topic check with the keyword "Alaska" on your Directv remote and you'll get a better idea of what I mean.

And I mean nothing against Alaska itself. Seems to be a pretty place. Hey and it's not stiflingly hot there, so you know, the possibility of not having heat and humidity wreck havoc on my hair does in itself have a certain charm. But is that why my remote automatically stops at the slightest glance of safety guard orange??

Could I be living vicariously and getting off on the adrenaline rush each week as death is cheated? Not so much, I think. I am one of the most tightly wound people I know. Risk is not an option. I actually stop my vehicle and look both ways before proceeding through an intersection. I am the designated driver. I do not feel the need for speed. Nor do I wish to throw myself out of a perfectly good airplane or hurtle down the side of a mountain with toothpicks strapped to my feet.

Okay, so it's not the boats, the water, the crab (eeewwwww), the wilderness, or danger that brings me back. What the hell is left??

One word. Captains. Yep. I'm not telling on myself here in front of God and everyone, but I enjoy watching me a little Captain. Possibly, if I told the truth a little Captains. Nope, you won't get it out of me. My lips are sealed. Ziiiippp! And throw away the key. But what gives?

The show doesn't exactly showcase the finer aspects of these guys. There's world class swearing and riotous fit throwing. (And any of you who know me, can appreciate that I'm probably taking notes at this point during an episode. If there's something I pride myself on, it's sharing my innate "Trisa-ness" with the world around me.) There's questionable habits galore. Smoking and chewing (I can only assume that's the only reason anyone would be spitting in either a cup-o-noodles cup or into an empty soda bottle). And they kiss mothers and wives with such mouths?? There's lack of grooming in general...to the extent that any contestant from "Survivor" on day 39 may very well be in better shape than the guys on the Bering Sea. Although this is just a theory and I have not tested it.

But why the attraction? I dated Metro for God's sake. I seem to like my guys highlighted, manscaped, manicured, pedicured, well dressed and sweet smelling. Why would I develop a deep seated need to weekly subject myself to the opposite?

I think the answer is positively primeval. Ever heard the song, "I'm still a guy"? It is an anthem for all those "real" guys out there, the "Bubbas", the one's who've hung onto their mullets, and have rough hands from earning an honest wage.

Just like that the mystery of the Captains (and deckhands to be honest and fair) may be unraveled. Not many places in today's world is a man just that. A man. Centuries of programming for us females has led us to be drawn to the "Man's Man". The rough around the edges, hard worker.

Face it, ladies, Hollywood actors are pretty and all that. But do you think one of those can pluck you out of the ocean before you freeze or drown? Probably not. Can your fave movie crush protect you from Nature gone Bad? Nope I don't think so. Feminism be damned; at the end of the day, we want to feel safe and protected. Davey Crockett may have "killt him a bair when he was only three", but that was TV, people. Metro has his merits, but he's not exactly gonna be able to defend my ass when civilization falls or a lost grizzly comes rampaging through my surburban neighborhood.

That's why I think I tune in again and again and again.... Because for that hour each week, I get to enjoy manly men doing shit you couldn't pay me enough to attempt. (Not only would my hair get messed up, and without a doubt I would break nails, but let's be real, I don't do gore. I threw away my tennis shoes last week in lieu of washing them after they came in contact with a dead koi fish in my uncle's backyard pond.) "Deadliest Catch" sort of renews my faith that not all guys have gone soft. (Not to mention, if they have the know all to fix a leaky boat or fashion a grappling hook out of spare materials, they can probably fix my broken dishwasher and replace the loose boards on the front fence.) Whereas my grandmother was drawn to John Wayne, I am attracted to the boys of the Bering Sea.

And let me stress, that for me, not just any fisherman will do. I don't give a rat's ass about all the boats and guys Discovery channel tried to shove down my throat for shark week. I care not for the sword fishermen. I don't tune into the other channel that has "Hooked on Mondays". I am not hanging out with the local shrimp fishermen of the Gulf. The crab fishermen have a little something extra, a certain je no ce quais. Whatever it is, I like it. And Discovery Channel should give me more of it. Year round.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with some Captains. You see, I found season 4 on DVD at Target. Coupled with my "Time Bandit" book, I am ready to face the off season.

But if any of you, Captains or otherwise, have your own theories on my addiction, please let me know.