It's been a while since I've been here. And, I would really like to get back to this. I figured I'd start with a relatively benign account of today's lunch hour shenanigans.

The roads in MEM are trashed following the rain/sleet/ice/snow incidents over the last several weeks—riddled with potholes, and still partially sanded—driving around here is even more of a blood-boiling experience than normal. Some of these morons act as if there's still ice on the road. Yet, today being absolutely gorgeous, sunny and 70°, 20 MPH seems to be a bit excessive.

Oh, wait. You're poking along because you're on the phone and can't chew gum and walk at the same time, let alone hold the phone, turn the steering wheel and press the long pedal on the right without sideswiping a lamppost?

I swear, I think we need Distracted Driver lanes. They would work kinda like HOV lanes, but for idiots that would rather chat, text, do their mascara, shave, read the paper, pick their nose. Giving them this reserved lane would free up the remaining lanes for the real drivers to have an enjoyable experience behind the wheel.

Anyway, on to lunch and my two-cent review: Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen

I've been trying to avoid fast food, drive-thrus and generally everything unhealthy. However, I didn't pack my lunch today. So after a trip to Walgreens for the NicodermCQ patch I forgot to put on this morning, I wondered aimlessly in search of sustenance, ending up in the Popeye's drive through.

"Welcome to Popeye's. Would you like to try our 3-piece Blazing Hellfire* meal today?"

"No, but thanks for asking. I would like the 5-piece chicken tenders meal. Hot, please."

"That's going to be a 20-minute wait unless you get mild."

"Mild is fine."

"We can substitute Blazing Hellfire".

"Five piece?"

"We can do that."

"OK."

"What's your drink?"

"Water."

"Please pull up to the window."

I requested cole slaw as my included side, and asked for an extra side of dirty rice. I've never had their dirty rice. I've been told it's good and figured this was a good time to try it.

Back at my desk, I liked the Blazing Hellfire chicken. There were a couple packages of Red Hot Honey Sauce that looked interesting but the ingredients included "high fructose corn syrup."

Trash.

Then there was another packet of "Honey Sauce." With the inclusion of "sauce" in the name, I knew it was more than simply honey. Another load of high fructose corn syrup.

Trash.

The dirty rice was practically flavorless. It wasn't even as good as something out of a box from the grocery, like Zatarain's. Salt didn't even help. And, the cole slaw container was brimming with a watery dressing.

Let it suffice to say, the chicken was good enough, but I could've done without the sides. And, I never eat the bread.

*Blazing Hellfire is the name I'm giving this because I can't remember what they're calling this promotion.