An experience that changed my life….clichéd. Once in a lifetime opportunity…only if you want it to be. Something I will remember always…hopefully. An earth shattering, world shaking, mind blowing, gut wrenching reality check...most certainly.

Yesterday, I realized she sheer triviality of my “problems”. Opened my eyes to the bigger wider picture. I won’t use fancy words to describe my experience, because I want to tell u, in plain simple terms, wat I really felt. I felt USELESS. I felt like I was betraying every bone in my body, abusing every blessing that I ever had, misusing every ounce of potential I posses, and mocking the creator who wove this beautiful picture perfect life for me. I volunteered at the Indian institute for cerebral palsy.

I was working with class I kids. A class of 10.Each one of these kids was special. They were mentally and physically challenged. The minute I entered the classroom, I felt my body tense. I couldn’t move. It was the first encounter, of my so called normalcy, with the abnormality that I had only heard existed. I felt dizzy. I sat down. The head teacher asked me to. I think she sensed my initial shock. I sat down. As quiet as I could be. Trying to camouflage and hide myself. I didn’t want the kids to see me. Didn’t want them to see how utterly “normal” life could be. Didn’t want them to realize that they wouldn’t grow up to be that way. Their hands would never rest on their laps the way mine did. They would never be able to clench their fists in utter fear and apprehension like I did. They wouldn’t be able to cock their eyes and observe the rest of the world like I did at that point of time. I felt ashamed.

As the day progressed, my observation time was declared over when the head teacher gave me 2 kids to handle and told me to complete an activity with them. Simple act of teaching them the color red. Santanu and mili were probably the most physically distorted kids I had ever seen. They were tied to their wheel chairs. I started teaching them. I felt their innocent acceptance of me almost immediately. (Something that I personally take a lot of time to accomplish…accept someone) They poked me…. stroked my face and hair just to get used to how “normal” I looked. I was with them for 5 hrs. I taught them, fed them, and cleaned them up. Did everything I could. I went back home feeling satisfied, but empty.

They were trying so hard. To learn, to be one of us. It shamed me. That inspite of having every possible resource that I need, I could still spend hours whining about the slight drawbacks that life comes with. Whereas, they’ve been struggling, every day, since their very conception. Ive had it easy. Really easy. And I needed something like this to get me started with counting the number of blessings ive been granted. I think, now, I can get up each morning with a smile on my face. Just happy to be alive. To be healthy. To have my limbs in place. To be able to sit on my own. Walk without help. And just smile because I CAN. Santanu and mili unknowingly changed my life. I don’t think I personally, have made such a difference in anyone’s life. they are capable of so much love, so much acceptance, so much of so much, that it made me feel weak and incapable. They made me want to be a better human being. And I hope I carry this experience with me, for the rest of my life.
P.S. they now know wat the color red looks like. :)