I struggle with my patience. My patience for kids that aren't mine, which i never did want. I made a decision, either out of selfishness or plain old personal weakness to not have any kids of my own and was able to use the excuse that my girlfriend already has kids to get a vasectomy and ensure that I'm not responsible for any of my own. Maybe that's it, maybe I'm just running from the responsibility.

They get on my nerves sometimes, most times...kids. I know the typical "kids are kids and kids will be kids" bullshit people spew and you know what?, to some extent i can even see how that works, but ultimately aren't parents responsible to their kids? Aren't they responsible for setting up the foundation for their values, beliefs and general sense of being at an early age?

My girlfriend's kids can be the cutest, loving, caring kids... when it strikes their fancy. They are forever un-appreciative of the slightest you might do for them. Are they spoiled? yes. Can they be taught that not everything that happens in their life is their right? yes. Father has money and will spend at will to keep them quiet. What happens when they get outta line? Not much, you know why? They don't get outta line as frequently with their father as they do around their mother and myself. There are no consequences with us. I can't do anything as the eunuch that i am in the relationship and when all mother does is scream her head off, it turns into a screaming match or you learn to phase out the screaming and carry on.

I had a difficult time going away with the kids this time around. The lack of respect for the adults and the situation in general was just eating at me. I couldn't deal with it and to keep from saying anything, i just kept my mouth shut and shut down my brain as much as possible. I survived by living moment to moment, seeing it all as chapters of a dull book i had to read in English class, knowing that there is a last chapter and i can move on.

It seemed that no matter what the activity, no matter how much was spent, it was only a matter of time before the next whiny complaint was hurled at us. There was always something boring, something wrong, something they didn't get that they wanted to get. It was a never ending stream of "gimme this, gimme that, i can't believe we have to do this, this is the worst". I just gave up emotionally.

I have to hand it to my girlfriend. She's their mother of course so it's expected to some point that she'll deal with this, but it takes so much patience and restraint, it's admirable.

Now this year, I'm not able to go on our usual week long trip out of town, so they are going without me. When asked "Are you happy you don't have to go with us and deal with the kids", My answer of course is "No, I'm not happy about that". But who am i kidding?