Ok... I have to chase down this Physical thing. I have to see where this road leads. If there is something truly wrong with something inside me, I need to do whatever it takes to get to the end of it, but i'm starting to believe it is a mental issue again.

Last night, my physical ailment went away for a while, and what happened? I had sex... something that actually took my mind off of anything else going on in my life. For a good... ummm... few minutes, my world was alright, everything had a rhythm, and my heart and lungs weren't betraying me.

I need to see my ol doctor, the hypnotherapist. If things go as well with the therapist as they did last time, I can easily tell if this whole thing is just in my head. Dr.Berndt, here I come.

I'm lacking motivation, at work mostly and some of that is winding it's way into my personal life as well, which pisses me off thinking that it will cost me more than i'm willing to lose. Do I lack motivation because I think my company is going to shut down my division and leave me in the middle of nowhere?, am I tired of dealing with clients that seem to never be pleased with what we are trying to do for them? I don't know anymore.