Dear Random, Neurotic, Co-Dependent Mother (not my mother, another one),
You are causing my best friend to fly into fits of rage, which are completely justified, in the lead up to her Wedding. This time should be one of the most exciting periods of her life. Sure, she should be a little stressed, but about fun things like invitations and shoes, cakes and wedding songs, not about idiots like you.
You are really good friends with her future husband. As such, she has to invite you to the wedding and associated festivities. You, however, have made it clear that you will not be Attending the wedding unless your child (not a very young baby who needs to be near their mother for breast feeding purposes) also attends. And you have been bombarding my best friend with questions about how her wedding can best fit around your child's needs. She shouldn't have to deal with this ridiculousness. I understand that children at weddings is a somewhat contentious issue. But my feeling is that if someone doesn't want to have children (particularly small toddlers who can easily be crushed underfoot when in a room full of merrily drunken people) at their wedding, that is a choice they are entitled to make and you should respect that. You have no right to throw a tantrum and state that your attendance is conditional upon your toddler being an invited guest. You are lucky that my best friend is not as blunt and stubborn as I am. This is a situation in which I would be pulling rank and telling my fiance that under no circumstances is that child stepping foot in the wedding venue (this is probably why I don't have a boyfriend or husband, but I don't care, it's the principle of the thing). My response to your ridiculous request would have been 'I'm sorry to hear that you won't be attending our wedding. Be sure to check out the photographs online.'
This entire situation is more than enough to send me into a blind rage, but you have really outdone yourself in terms of absolute selfishness in the latest instalment. You have demanded to bring your child, that's right, YOUR CHILD, to the HEN'S PARTY! THE HEN'S PARTY!!!!! What on earth is wrong with you??? Honestly? Is your brain not fully formed? Do you not understand what happens at these type of events, and comprehend why the thought of bringing a child to one just absolutely beggars belief? Here is a short, by no means comprehensive, list of reasons why a hen's Party is not a child-friendly zone:
Just so you know, I don't do passive aggression. So if you step one foot out of line at the wedding, which I know you are still attending because your particular brand of emotional terrorism has worked on my best friend's fiance, expect to be dealing with me. I will not be holding back on my opinions, they will be freely shared with you. Hopefully if someone actually calls you on your disgustingly selfish behaviour, you might actually have cause to reflect on your actions. But probably not. Selfish arseholes like you rarely realise that their actions might be causing other people anxiety.
Enraged,
B. J. Barnes
You are causing my best friend to fly into fits of rage, which are completely justified, in the lead up to her Wedding. This time should be one of the most exciting periods of her life. Sure, she should be a little stressed, but about fun things like invitations and shoes, cakes and wedding songs, not about idiots like you.
You are really good friends with her future husband. As such, she has to invite you to the wedding and associated festivities. You, however, have made it clear that you will not be Attending the wedding unless your child (not a very young baby who needs to be near their mother for breast feeding purposes) also attends. And you have been bombarding my best friend with questions about how her wedding can best fit around your child's needs. She shouldn't have to deal with this ridiculousness. I understand that children at weddings is a somewhat contentious issue. But my feeling is that if someone doesn't want to have children (particularly small toddlers who can easily be crushed underfoot when in a room full of merrily drunken people) at their wedding, that is a choice they are entitled to make and you should respect that. You have no right to throw a tantrum and state that your attendance is conditional upon your toddler being an invited guest. You are lucky that my best friend is not as blunt and stubborn as I am. This is a situation in which I would be pulling rank and telling my fiance that under no circumstances is that child stepping foot in the wedding venue (this is probably why I don't have a boyfriend or husband, but I don't care, it's the principle of the thing). My response to your ridiculous request would have been 'I'm sorry to hear that you won't be attending our wedding. Be sure to check out the photographs online.'
This entire situation is more than enough to send me into a blind rage, but you have really outdone yourself in terms of absolute selfishness in the latest instalment. You have demanded to bring your child, that's right, YOUR CHILD, to the HEN'S PARTY! THE HEN'S PARTY!!!!! What on earth is wrong with you??? Honestly? Is your brain not fully formed? Do you not understand what happens at these type of events, and comprehend why the thought of bringing a child to one just absolutely beggars belief? Here is a short, by no means comprehensive, list of reasons why a hen's Party is not a child-friendly zone:
- People get drunk at these events. Really drunk. Uproariously drunk. And so they should. It is a party celebrating the (fictional, but whatever) final hurrah of the bride. It is a chance to let go and have fun;
- Just going off the hen's parties that I have attended, there are usually at least one or two penis novelties involved. This might not happen at my best friend's festivities, but the point is, it usually does, and why on earth would you want to expose your child to this?;
- People get loose at these occasions, they swear, they talk about sex, they're usually not worrying about whether their stiletto heels are going to sink into the tender flesh of a child as they scurry about underfoot;
- Hen's parties are not kitchen teas. Kitchen teas could be child-friendly. But that is because they are also grandparent and mother-in-law friendly. This is not a kitchen tea. It is a hen's, and it will most probably get messy; and
- The final reason is not even a reason. It's a statement, not even, just a word. NO! NO! NO! NO! Just NO! Emphatically NO! How do you not understand that it is wrong to even suggest such a thing? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Just so you know, I don't do passive aggression. So if you step one foot out of line at the wedding, which I know you are still attending because your particular brand of emotional terrorism has worked on my best friend's fiance, expect to be dealing with me. I will not be holding back on my opinions, they will be freely shared with you. Hopefully if someone actually calls you on your disgustingly selfish behaviour, you might actually have cause to reflect on your actions. But probably not. Selfish arseholes like you rarely realise that their actions might be causing other people anxiety.
Enraged,
B. J. Barnes
