Overall 2012 was a pretty great year for my Family, but it definitely had it’s ups and downs and I have definitely faced some new challenges.  But it is because of those challenges that I have learned some really valuable life lessons that I will take in to 2013 (and hopefully well beyond).  I think that they are worth sharing, so here goes…

So this might seem pretty obvious to some of you but it really was not obvious to me!  I am a bit of a control freak and have some trouble sharing the workload for fear that it won’t get done “right” (assuming my way is even the right way); however, this doesn’t stop me from being a bitter-betty about the fact that I am working solo and totally overwhelmed.  This unfortunate vice has followed me straight in to parenthood.  On top of that, I also had this warped idea that moms are supposed to bear the brunt of the workload when it came to their kids.  I thought that to not do it all (every appointment, every event or function, every play date, all while working and having your own life), I wasn’t being a good mom.  I just felt this responsibility for them that I hadn’t been able to share with Steve.  For example, I have taken both girls to every single doctor’s appointment, well and sick, since they were born.  I have never let Steve take them alone.  Regardless of our schedules, I have rearranged because the idea of letting him take them without me gave me anxiety. Meanwhile, I am always thinking to myself, “Wouldn’t it be so great if there was someone else willing to help me with that??”.  HELLO, there is!  

I’m not sure if it was the realization that we have another baby arriving very soon or the fact that we had a pretty challenging period with the girls that made me realize how much I need Steve, but whatever it was I am incredibly thankful that I recognized it now.  Steve is ready, willing, and able to meet me halfway in raising our little monkeys and that alone makes me an incredibly lucky and grateful woman.

I have a lot of decisions to make on an everyday basis.  Some easy, some hard.  What projects need to get done at work first?  What methods should we use to potty train?  To discipline?  Should we buy a bigger house or renovate the one we are in?  I usually have a pretty strong “gut reaction” and know what the “right” decision is for me and for my family but to others I appear extremely indecisive.  This is because I have always let other peoples’ opinions of both me and the decisions that I make factor in to how I ultimately decide to act.  It’s probably most obvious when it comes to decisions on how I raise my kids (as you have read in previous blogs) but it is universal in all areas of my life.  For example, I might have plans to go out to lunch with a friend that I know gets extremely upset when people cancel.  The day of the luncheon arrives and I end up having a sick two-year old, four unexpected conference calls, and serious back pains from a very active baby.  I know that the right thing to do is to cancel the luncheon, but I go (and pay the price the rest of the day) because I know that my friend would be mad at me if I didn’t.  This example might seem trivial, but I make almost every decision this way!  And it’s pretty ridiculous! 

It is finally dawning on me that I have to start going with my gut and not worrying about anything or anyone else.  I have a pretty hectic and unpredictable life at the moment and I just have to do the best that I can.  People’s feelings may get hurt and people may not like how I do things, but as long as my intentions are always good I can live with that.

I let my girls dress themselves most of the time (yes, even on holidays and for special events).  Now and again, I can organize a coordinated outfit but usually we walk out the door with some combination of stripes, animal prints and polka dots; at least one of them is wearing BOTH a skirt and pants; and we almost always have leggings with socks pulled up to the knees.  Let’s put it this way, if they were raised in the 80’s I would probably be commended for their sense of style.  On top of that, they are not “posers” and attempted Photo shoots usually end up with a frazzled mom and dad and a lot of blurry and unusable pictures.  So I don’t often get the perfect family photo.  This year, I couldn’t even find one picture for our Christmas card.  As the cards came in it was making me feel really guilty to see all of these pictures of families, all with little kids, in coordinated outfits huddled together at a cookout or in front of the Christmas tree, all smiling and looking straight at the camera.  I felt like I was doing something wrong and was determined to do better this Christmas…I did not.  For Christmas dinner, Mia wore a Pink ruffle shirt, a different colored pink skirt (which Mia justified as matching because they were both pink), a pair of black leggings, striped socks (multi-colored but no pink in sight) pulled up to the knee, and yellow shoes.  Oh, and she asked to do her own hair (which ended up being several clips placed randomly through her hair).  Steve and I thought about forcing her to put the adorable Christmas outfit my mom had bought her, but when we saw the pride on her face we didn’t have the hearts.  Sophia is another animal altogether.  She just likes to be in something comfortable and pink.  So, unless you are willing to listen to a lot of screaming (and I MEAN SCREAMING), comfy pink clothes are the way to go.  So, instead of having two perfectly coiffed little girls, we walked out the door with one kid in leggings and a t-shirt (pink, of course) and one kid looking like she stepped straight out of Jem’s last concert.

At the end of the day is the ability to take a good family photo really a measure of what makes a good family?  I am learning it is not.  I love my family.  I love that my girls have such a crazy sense of style and that they wear EVERY single article of clothing that they own (sometimes all at once).  I do sometimes wish we could capture more moments in FB-worthy photos, but that will probably come with time (with three girls I am guessing that there will be lots of photo ops in our future).  Until then, I don’t really care what people think about my little fashionistas.  You never know, someday those same people may be wearing clothing with the girls' names on the label.

We can learn so much from our kids

I was laying with Mia the other night and was starting to fall asleep (she has the MOST comfortable bed in the world) as she chatted away telling me all about her day and her friend go-go (yes, he is imaginary and no, I have no idea where he came from).  I knew if I laid there any longer I would be out for the night, so I told her that I had to go in to my own bed.  When she asked me why I told her that she needed to learn to sleep on her own.  Her reply?  "Mom, I will learn to sleep to alone when you and daddy learn to sleep alone!".  Touche, Ms. Mia, touche!  Her comment made me smile but it also made me appreciate how simply she views things.  In a world of over-complications and over-analyzing, I could definitely benefit from learning how to look at things in black and white.  Sometimes things are just plain and simple and I am glad that I have Mia and Sophia to remind me of that:)

We all have “meatball problems”

This is by far the easiest and most basic lesson of 2012: Anyone who is married or dating, has kids or pets, owns a home or rents, works or has worked…HAS PROBLEMS.  No one has a perfect life.  For those of you who live under a rock, the term “meatball problems” comes from a show on MTV.  It is just a funny way to describe the crazy problems shared by similar people.  And in talking to those friends that have lives paralleling mine, it’s true.  Our problems are usually pretty consistent.  We all fight with our husbands about the equality of the house work, we all wish we had more money so we didn’t have to worry about how it was spent, we all wonder if we are doing the right things with our kids and let others opinions bother us more than they should… the difference is that some people handle it better than others.  Some people have a natural affinity to focus on the positive.  To appreciate the “ups” when things are going well and to sit tight and not freak out about the “downs” knowing that they will pass in time.  At the end of the day, no one’s life is better it’s just different.  And A LOT of that difference comes from attitude rather than circumstance. 

So, in 2013 I hope to remember the things that I have learned in 2012 and apply them.  It will be a really hectic year with a new baby and (hopefully) a new house and if I don’t take some of my own advice I might just go a little crazyJ  But we will just have to wait and see how it all plays out.  I do know one thing…if in 2013 Steve and I start talking about the prospect of having another baby, please just send us straight to the nut house!!