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Forced Change


Twelve days without a good night Sleep. Isn't this too much? Perhaps not.

I woke up, had my protein shake and went off to pump some iron. Rotator Cuff Injury had finally left my shoulder. Or it seemed like it did. I felt so good with almost everything. Work, sleep, mood, bam awesome. Life was go-uh-od.

Squash (yeah the bad-ass sport) seemed to be a really good add-on cardio, and I got enticed. Why wouldn't you be when you're just a week away from showing-off your rectus abdominis (tech for abs)? You might have already guessed that I fucked my shoulder while playing squash. It hurt bad.

So was it the end of the world? No, of course not. But it was the end of a great routine I had created for my body. Rotator Cuff Injury hailed back at the same place at the wrong time. What were the odds?!

I've created a shell around myself which makes me focus and stay put. After this injury, or a re-injury, I'm feeling frustrated, slow and incarcerated. I've tried to fix it, probably being too impatient. But because everything else is connected to this, it's important.

You might wonder: "So what? It's just shoulder right? Go out and run! Do cardio and get your calories around!"

I'm sane enough to know that. I'm not able to sleep comfortably. It's a damn deadlock. It's like I'm afraid of sleep and what's bothering me is my shoulder and if it will ever be able to be healthy again. I can't just do simple running because that's not me. It doesn't feel good and complete. Besides until I don't get enough sleep, I can't run or do cardio. And until I don't workout, I can't calm myself and sleep. Understand the dead-fucking-lock?

There are other problems as well but this is what is costing me sleep. I'm just hoping writing this will get me a little close to closing my eyes and dreaming good stuff.



Maybe it's time to stop trying to be perfectly fit. Stop trying to be so healthy and so well off. And get out to eat whatever the fuck comes my way and smile to that.

Here I am tired of waiting for things to fall back into right places. The truth, I guess is, that they never will. There has to be a way around.

Starting a new book today: A Nun in the Closet. Old times! :)


This post first appeared on Blogger, please read the originial post: here

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