What you'll need:

1 baby, approx. 10 pounds
1 young mother, approx 105 pounds
1 carpet
1 rule of physics

Preparation:

1. Get the young mother to carry the baby in a hoppy motion over the carpet. Important: don't let her remove her feet from the floor!
2. Apply rule of physics, to let young mother (and subsequently, one baby) amass a charge of static electricity.
3. Approach mother and baby.
4. Kiss baby on the nose, releasing the static charge.

Voila! One crying baby!