I’m not sure where I left off in the telling of my life….my last post is too long to re-read.

Let’s pretend that I’m standing right there in front of you.  Picture me shoving both my hands in my pockets and flipping them inside-out.

I’m “no-pot-to-piss-in” kind of broke.

You know how many times I almost lost the business?  More times than I can recall. But  I always pull myself out of it somehow.

Why am I broke?  Quarterly taxes are due this month, my employee’s get paid 3 times next month, and I only have $2,500 left in my lawyers retainer.

But like always, I’ll pull through.

I decided that I will personally take clients in Bozrah until I hire my second therapist.  I hired one already, she’s a crazy work horse of a woman.  She’s been working 3rd shift in a hospital for the last 2 years and wants out.  She’s working in the morning for me, 10-2, so that means I have to get there by 2 each day.

This is a good thing.  It’s only temporary anyway, until I find a suitable replacement and at least this takes care of my money woe’s.  If I take these clients myself, paying another $5000 to my lawyer won’t be an issue.

And I think that’ll be the last $5,000 I’ll have to give him.  Or maybe the second to last.

He’s finished with the depositions, so i guess now is trial time?  I just have to wait for the trial to come?  I don’t know how all this works.

He sent me a bill the other day for $1,500 and I was like “oh hell no”, and sent him this.

Of course I was right, as I always am.

I’m trying to think of a way to stay afloat with the bankruptcy.  Switching everything over to Sound Alchemy Massage and bankrupting my other business.  Because I tell you what, I ain’t paying shit to these women I don’t care how much they ask for.

Speaking of…I need to write up emails to both of them.  Just like I did for the first lady victim.  But first I have to read their depositions to get a feel for who they are before I can write up an email tailored to their personality types.

It just takes forever, you know?  I always have shit to do.

I was insanely depressed the day my lawyer sent me that bill for $1500.  I couldn’t conceal it to anyone.  But I don’t believe what I feel is actually depression, it’s more fear than it is depression.  Depression is being sad all the time for no discernible reason, but fear is “oh shit what am I going to do now?”  It’s not a chemical imbalance that can be remedied with meds.

My so-called depression lasted 5 or 6 hours.  That’s how long it taken me to talk myself out of it.

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I had a dream two Days Ago that somebody stole my purse.  I was in Peru, or someplace like it, and I was there with all my friends from home.  My purse was stolen and I was left with absolutely nothing.  I was so mean to everyone.  So incredibly mean to all my friends.  They acted like everything was okay, like nothing happened, and I yelled and screamed at them.

Me – “How would you like it, huh?  If this happened to you?”

Fear can turn me into a monster towards people and when I want to suppress that monster, I take on an absent catatonic stare instead.

Either way, it’s best I avoid people.

Last night I had the complete opposite dream.  I was a waitress working at a theater filled with famous people.  All my friends were yelling and screaming at me to steal merchandise.  So I stole a hat and shoes of someone famous so my friends can sell it on eBay.  Then they screamed and yelled some more telling me they needed more stuff.  I was on an active movie set with the camera’s pointed directly at me.  I was seconds away from being caught and needed to escape.

I subconsciously feel like I’m letting down everybody.  I can’t keep up with the demands of my friends.

If I tie my two dreams together, I want to avoid everyone for fear the monster will come out, and secondly, I feel like I’m letting everyone down because of it.  I completely missed my friends birthday a couple days ago.

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Today is the start of my Groupon campaign to my new business.  This first day I’ll be lucky if I  sell 2 groupons.  Groupon has their own version of a “high rollers” club where they get first dibs on any new deals.  It’s sort of a pre-launch.

Tomorrow is the real thing.  I’m expecting my tracfone to be ringing off the proverbial hook.

It’s 2:21PM and I’m still laying in bed.  Don’t get me wrong, I had work to do from my laptop since waking up at 11.

This is one of my last free days I’m going to have in a while.  I guess I am a little depressed.  Yesterday I watched a Peter Pan mini-series and then I watched a Pinocchio mini-series.  I mean, who does that?  Seriously Mel? 6 hours back to back Peter Pan and Pinocchio.  Like I’m 6 years old.

The weather is finally getting beautiful.  It’s been so shitty for months.  I need to buy new sandals.

I’m refraining from buying take-out every day like usual.  I’ll save about $600 a month.

I went rollerblading yesterday with a new pair of skates I bought.  I used to skate all the time and thought I’d be ready for the 90mm wheels, but no.  I put them on and skated around with them on the first beautiful Sunday afternoon that my town has seen in a while and it was a safety hazard.

First of all, these skates are so slick that I don’t even need to move my body for them to roll automatically.  And they are FAST.  And the break doesn’t work as well as on my K2’s.  Not good while rolling down a trail packed with strollers and toddlers.  Mother’s stopping in the middle of the trail to check on their kid – WTF lady?  I can’t stop!

I’m going to switch back to my old skates for now.  Until I’m back in shape and have better coordination.  Right now my goal is to lose weight, not go fast.  My old skates have just the right amount of resistance I need to tone up my flabby muscles.  And I won’t roll over any pedestrians.

I should be skating right now.

I need to go to Hines hardware for new light bulbs for the shop.  And my new hot towel caddy came in today, my old one cracked.  I should set it up.

Ugh…always with shit to do.  And if I don’t do it right away, it adds up.  It adds up quick!  And one of my therapists doesn’t want to massage her client anymore because he got an erection last time, so I have to massage him on Wednesday to see if he’s a pervert.  It just sucks.  Everything sucks.  I just want to rollerblade, that’s all I want to do.

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I’ve added black Bean Soup to my diet.  I’m slowly adding in new foods.  They just have to be low in calories and healthy to be added to the list.

Two days ago was my first attempt to make black bean soup and it was a huge success!  My Dad yesterday, was asking me when I’ll be making more of it.

I just need a cup of it with a side salad to make myself feel full.  It’s incredibly cheap and easy to make too.

At night for dessert, I eat cottage cheese with blueberries, raspberries, banana or whatever I have on-hand and drizzle it with honey.  And I have a nice cup of sleepy time tea to go with it.

There’s also something called a “Bright bean soup” that sounds yummy.  I can eat it for breakfast or for my nightly dessert.

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I don’t want to do anything.  I just want to lay here with my dog.  Tomorrow I’ll force myself up and go to work.  Today, I need a breather.  It’s game time and nap time and black bean soup time all day today.  A beautiful wonderful day if you ask me.

Once I hire my other therapist, then I can enjoy all the splendors of free time.  I just have to get through this one last push.  Today is the calm before the storm.  There’s no Massage Envy’s out there in Bozrah, so I expect to be slammed by these deals.

My goal is to save $5000 for my lawyer, and then once I do that, I’ll save up another $4000 to open up another Sound Alchemy Massage.  That’s how much it costs.  Around $4000, more or less for each location I open.  Plus all the hassle and time put into setting it up.  The first one was killer, but now that I know what I’m doing, the second one will be a cinch.

And I’ll do the same thing.  I’ll work it all myself until I hire people.

It’ll be like a snowball effect once I get going.  It’s always the first location that’s a struggle, but once that’s out of the way, the real fun can begin.  And then if it comes down to bankrupting my old business, I’ll seamlessly switch it out with my new business like a thief in the night.  Completely untouchable is what I am.  I have it all figured out.

But for now, I must work.  And I’ll have to hang up my rollerblades and my travel suitcase until this misery is put behind me.

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And that’s it.  That’s my life right now.  It changes every week, there’s always updates to make much like annoying iPhone apps.  But right now you’re all caught up on Melanie’s life online.

Once I start taking clients over in Bozrah, I’ll be writing a hell of a lot more.  Downtime in-between clients needs to be filled.

Ugh….my merchant processor wants me to call them back.  I can’t use their Clover mini and have to use the Clover Go instead.  Stupid work shit.  Stupid stupid shit.  I hate this PCI compliance crap.