I miss C. I know she was insecure and after attention constantly. I know she had unhealthy habits, and was a total Bad Kitty - but she was damn powerful. And I put her away. Closed the door and moved on. Something I am so very good at.

But she wants out.

I've seen glimpses of her on occasion - in the Red Room, when I'm with Si or Paco, or dancing with Isis... I'm trying to understand how to release her without letting her get out of control. I want to feel that power without having to look over my shoulder.

Who is watching?
Who is watching?
Who is watching?

I searched for C. this morning. I didn't have to go very far to find her. I knew where to look. And she's out there.

That idea is scary as Hell.


I cannot put that crown on again.

I CANNOT put that crown on again.


How easily we can fall back into our addictions that have been set aside for years.

And we do it in the speed of the flash of a camera.