Image by National Media Museum via Flickr |
| Three more lbs and I'll be RICH! RICH I tell you! |
It's this change of season you see. The leaves falling, the diminishing hours of daylight, the cold and rain and the inevitable giant gas bill that goes with it. Pardon me if I just can't get thrilled about it.
Some good news would be grand. But no, it's just one big diet of cuts, despair and shite weather. I was half way through my Shreddies yesterday morning when Bill Turnbull announced I was now inhabiting the fifth fattest nation in the world, and the fattest in Europe.
So what's the solution, Bill?
Well, apparently, one of the big giant heads on the BBC sofa thinks it'd be a great wheeze if the taxpayer paid the nation's tubbies to lose weight. You know, like cash incentives.
Fantastic! I'm going to set out my stall right now...
"Roll up, roll up, get your lard here. A bargain at only £100/lb! Can't say fairer than that. This is well matured lard we're talking about, not your common or garden spare tyre."
If it goes well, I'll be able to fit into my not so teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini and high tail it to the Bahamas before the clocks change. Ahhhh, bliss.
Yes, maybe I had this government all wrong. Maybe there is something to be said for our 'let's not take any responsibility for ourselves' culture after all.
What? They're not going to roll this out in Scotland? Meanies.
