I’m trying to keep moving, if I don’t stop I don’t think. The problem with that is when I do stop because my body just won’t go anymore the things in my head that have been following me hit me like a ton of bricks. I need to stop thinking about you. I need to get it into my head that everything you ever said to me wasn’t real. I need my heart to stop hurting.

I’ve never felt this low. I never Believed anyone when they told me they loved me. I don’t even believe my parents. I believed you though, I really thought you meant it. I let go of this notion that I’m unlovable for a short time and I believed that all those things you said.

Every time I hear someone say I love you I can feel the bile in my stomach churn and bubble. Every time I hear someone say they would give the world I think how hollow it was when you said it to me.

I see what has happened, it’s all too clear but I can’t stop myself from loving you. You get bored with everything so easily and you change your mind daily about the things you want. I just happened to be another one of those things. You don’t have to admit it, but I know. When you picked that fight, you did it because you knew you were changing your mind.I look back now and I can see how things were changing up to that point.

I would never have turned my back on you. I would have been there no matter what. Through thick and thin, good and bad. Not you though, and it’s one of the things that hurts so much. What is it about me that makes me not worth fighting for?

I’ll always be your biggest fan. I’ll always cheer you on and tell you I believe in you because I do. I believe in you. I will never turn my back on you, I will always be there. I just, I just need to make this stop hurting. I put on a happy face for the world but inside there is a black hole consuming every last bit of me tearing me apart minute by minute.

I need to fix myself but I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to turn cold and bitter because of this. I’m tired of being filled with self-doubt.

I don’ t know what to do and I’m afraid of the things I want to do…