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Nothing's Forgotten, Nothing is ever Forgotten

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I never feel like i belong, wherever i go or whatever i do, i never fit in, I don't belong there.
I feel like i've always been one step removed from the rest of the world, and i wonder why i even exist, i wake everyday and it's always the same, theres no such thing as luck or if there is i've only ever seen her dark side but then i've always been held by the darkness.
I remember nights alone in hospital as a child, my dad leaving always alone, always the only safe person to fully trust being me, last year i tried to break away, leave my past behind and start again i found love or thought i did but it was just a lie someone else using me for whatever they could gain and then leaving me crushed and destroyed all alone with only myself to pick up the pieces. I feel empty most of the time the only other emotion i seem to feel is anger and this is not a good way to feel, i find myself in a fight with myself and i'm losing, I know there are people worse of than me but now i feel so empty and lost i think i would take the pain of all and welcome it as all i seem to have known is pain, i see no future just left surviving one day to the next.
I'm told by a few to get out there and try different things but i've tried plenty and done my best to learn new things but they just don't hold my interest i don't seem to enjoy anything normal people do this doesn't help my feeling of being distanced from the rest of the world.
Why do i exist, why when i have no purpose, when my finally comes i will have done nothing and noone will remember my name i leave nothing behind, no love left in the world the lion shall not go out with a mighty roar but rather a whimper and a sigh.
nothings forgotten, i remember Caroline and her words and how they haunt me, I remember aly and always shall how she made Carolines words even more real and the emptiness she left me with how she destroyed my heart, the only piece intact is left in a cuddly toy in her possession, which she never had the descency to return, if i wish revenge on her then i am no better, there never seems a way to win, this is partly why i feel like i'm losing the fight, but life shouldn't be a fight, it's just that people are so concerned with themselves they rarely thing about the consequences of their actions upon others.
One day, two days, does it matter all it takes is one moment and it's over, but i've faught this long to survive and i am not going to help end it, but that doesn't mean there are times i don't wish it was over.
Never free, never me, one day to the next maybe one day i shall be free by not being me anymore, till then one day at a time maybe my fortune will change but somehow i doubt it.



This post first appeared on Thoughts Or Insanity, please read the originial post: here

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Nothing's Forgotten, Nothing is ever Forgotten

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