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So long, farewell.

It's been a whole seven months since I last shared my thoughts and experiences on here, and a lot has happened. But I don't want to dwell on my past as I'm entering a new academic year. Going into my second year of University and I would like to remain positive and optimistic about my future. I'm turning twenty this year (which I prefer to call "twenteen" just so I don't feel too old) and I just can't believe it. I can't believe I'm growing up so quickly. During the summer holidays, I have obtained many jobs, all consisting of me working behind a bar. I decided to enter this new avenue of work as a bartender considering I'm getting older. I worked in a local bar for about 2 months during the summer holidays and a few days before going back to university, I worked behind a bar at a festival. My experience behind the local bar was great, the only issue was that my boss constantly underpaid me and I realised that I did not owe her anything, and I shouldn't have felt lucky, purely because she accepted me to work there. So I quit. In contrast, I absolutely hated my job at the festival, and it was miles away from my hometown so I decided to quit and enjoy the rest of the festival on my own accord. Now, that was amazing, I made friends, and watched some great acts performing etc. That was pretty much my summer.


Now I got back to university a few days ago(about 6 days), and decided to go clubbing with some friends I made last year. It was great, only I just can't remember much of it. We went to a bar first, to have pre drinks, and I saw a guy I almost lost my virginity to, and he didn't even say hello. That made me feel like crap. I've actually seen him a couple of times at this bar and he doesn't even acknowledge my presence which makes me feel like absolute shit! I don't like to dwell on these things, but it just makes me think "what kind of monster does he think I am?" "Do I repulse him?" "What about that night made him never even want to say hello, or even smile at me?" But he's just one guy, who isn't even that amazing. He's not exactly Idris Elba, so I'm trying not to get myself down about it too much. Later on, we went to a club, and I was so drunk by then I was just letting guys talk to me however they wanted because I wanted to feel wanted (haha) after having my existence completely unacknowledged. I saw so many old friends I made last year, it was nice. I also saw the guy I was seeing last year who treated me like crap. I discovered he is living in my halls this year, and I can NOT have him coming to my flat, or vice versa. I'll just regret it. Overall though, it was a very fun night. I was sick at the end of it, but I managed to get home safely and with all of my belongings. 

However, I was out a few nights later and I got my phone pickpocketed out of my bag. I have recently been feeling a bit down about that and have not really been bothered to do anything apart from mope about in my bedroom. After all it is a lovely room. I also spoke to the guy I've been admiring for a few months now,  which seemed like progress but about 10 minutes ago, a friend I made had just told me how much bad news he was, and that I shouldn't try and pursue anything with him. Whether or not I actually follow her "kind" words of advice is a completely different story, but I honestly have so much more to think about, so perhaps I will.

I don't plan on going out much more during freshers week. I think I might just spend much more time in my amazing new flat, which has EN SUITE! I love it! I have hardly left it, haven't even spoken to my other flat mates properly yet! 

I intend to make this year a good and prosperous one. I'm turning twenteen, so I need to maintain mature and calm. I would like to get either a 2:1 or a first this year as it all counts. Less attention on boys and all that extraneous rubbish, and focus on my work. I've started reading a book called "Black sexual politics" and I'm really beginning to get an idea of what I would like to write about next year, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. I also plan on being more active this year. I'm going to be part of the radio station at my university, and I am also planning on joining more university societies. All these activities will keep me busy and active. I believe everything I have this year should be great quality. My room, my possessions, and anything else that comes my way.

This is where my title comes in. I plan on being more serious this year. The opportunities that university have to offer me even as a 2nd year student are endless, therefore I believe I can get a lot out of second year and enjoy my course even more at the same time.

Sometimes you need to make the most of your experiences even though it may seem like you have limited time left to make them. After all, you don't want to ever regret not doing something you've always wanted to do. For example, I'm taking on the massive responsibility of being a public voice on my university's radio show. I've always wanted to do that, and I could have in my first year, but so many other things were going on therefore I was unable to take on that opportunity. HENCE MY DOING IT NOW! So if I can give one word of advice to whoever even bothers to take a glance at this blog, I would say, no matter how old you are, no matter how little time you have/think you have, pursue your dreams! I sound like I'm trying to be Oprah or something, but it's true :)

Love,

Cleopvtrv

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo


This post first appeared on (No Longer) Teenage (but Still A) Dreamer, please read the originial post: here

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So long, farewell.

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