During my Pregnancy, which was very difficult physically and emotionally, I heard many words of encouragement, but not all of them were helpful. Some words just pushed me down. I want to share with you what pregnant depressed women probably does not need to hear.
- People survived through an exile, so you have to survive pregnancy. These were the words of one of the psychiatrists I have seen during my depression. These words were not helpful at all. They just made me feel spoiled and weak. Why can't I deal heroicly with my difficult pregnancy when others can survive an exile, serious illnesses or tortures?
- All women have to go through this. It's not true! Every pregnancy is different. Not every pregnant woman suffers. If you have children, that does not mean you know what I am going through. Your experience could be very different.
- It's a miracle what is happening to you! Some people tried to remind me that it's a miracle that I am creating a new life. But my feeling was not miraculous at all! Words about miracles just made me feel guilty I was not happy with my pregnancy.
- You have to love your baby. It is very difficult to love someone who is torturing me. I am allowed to feel whatever I feel. I am allowed to be angry at my baby. I will love him in my own time. Love comes when it comes, I cannot force myself to love someone.
- You are so happy, you will have a baby! People mostly think happiness is a given feeling during pregnancy. It's not for me! Don't say how I should feel. Absolute happiness is mainly a propaganda of mass media. In reality pregnant women most often feel fear and anxiety but not happiness.
- Pregnancy is temporary. When I tell people that my pregnancy is difficult they remind me it's a temporary thing. Believe me, when you have to live with pregnancy for nine months it may feel like an eternity. Nine months is a lot!
- I envy you! Most of my friends who do not have children say that they envy me. But their jealousy just makes me feel like they don't understand how difficult being pregnant is for me. I try to explain how difficult my pregnancy is, but they don't listen. They just think that grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Believe me, it's not! Maybe it will be after the baby will be born, but now it's really not!
- Be more optimistic, you gonna be a mother soon! Like I could change who I am! Just let me be myself!
- Try to go out more and relax. I mostly fell so bad and so tired, this was nearly impossible. If I forced myself to go for a walk or meet with friend, I came home feeling absolutely exhausted physically and emotionally.
- Try to go to work and you will not have time for misery. It is the worst thing to say to someone suffering from depression. I am not lazy. And depression will not pass if I try to be occupied. I just have no mental strength to work when I am seriously depressed. So don't encourage me to torture myself even more. Brushing my teeth is a big enough work for me.
