In yesterday's post I wrote how my psychiatrist's words made me cry. Yesterday I met my therapist and we talked about it. Now I understand why my reaction was so severe and why I was so angry at my psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist simply Touched the topics I had doubts about myself. When she asked if I can be more patient and do not take any medicine and suffer for my baby she touched a very sensitive topic. I guess I am not in peace with my decision to take medicine while I am pregnant and while I will be breastfeeding at all... Deep down I still have doubts and I still feel like I am poisoning my baby. The words implying that I will not be a good mother made my own fears come to daylight. 

I often feel like I do not love my baby enough and that I do not care enough. I often feel like I am not a good mother. So hearing words implying that my fears could be true from another person touched me deeply.

I also felt my psychiatrist accused me of being weak and selfish. It is very hard for me to believe that my depression is a disease. Every time depression comes I accuse myself of just being lazy, selfish and weak. So the psychiatrist's words made me feel like that again. It just was too much. It is very scary to understand that not only I have doubts about my capabilities of being a good mother, but that others might have doubts in me too.