Apparently my Brain and heart are beefing.

They can’t agree on anything lately and they keep putting me in the middle.
How do you choose?

Both have held me down in my 28 years on the earth.

Both have let me down as well

Usually I could get away with staying on the fence and let it play out but I can’t this time.

Stakes are too high and they are both being “Meredith Grey” level needy 

I need a unanimous decision on how my life will proceed

                                     Hol’ on hol’ on.. Watch the break down (nice for what voice)
Now my brain has been touched by many books, philosophies, poems, peer reviewed articles, ungrad and graduate texts. It’s been through life experiences of it’s own and have heard the stories, of the life experiences of countless others. My brain takes into account other people’s feelings and the understanding that everyone has a different upbringing. My brain soaks up important information along with every, Disney musical and soundtrack you can think of (what can I say I’m multifaceted ). My brain works under pressure . Give me an assignment or task and make the mistake of thinking you’ve put my back against the wall… on the contrary, you will not only see me prevail but you’ll witness MAGIC happen. My brain is logical at all times. So logical, that it sometimes manifests into manipulation though not purposely or maliciously. My brain loves a challenge. It FEENS for a challenge. And that right there is the root of my dilemma.

My dad always says

Balance is the key to life

Now to balance out my brain, I was given my heart. I will refer to my heart as She. She is batshit crazy. There is no logic, there is no understanding. There are no books or cute poems that she will understand or even care to read. She just does and keeps it pushing. She lives for dysfunction. She refers to chaos as “Passion” (everyone knows one of those weirdos). She takes on challenges and turns them into 5 year stand offs. She takes the white flag that you wave in defeat, burns it in your face and then giggles. She is different but she has a place and when she is needed she puts in work.

For a long time I’ve been using my brain. After high school, I went straight to college, only taking a year off to beef up my resume and did another two years to get my Masters Degree. Throughout that time I’ve had internships, attended seminars and professional trainings just to keep my brain busy and content. I’ve lead with my brain for most of my life. I use my heart as little as possible, and the result is, she hasn’t been trained and now has little to no experience in this world .

I think that’s why she’s so damn crazy. She’s been put on the back burner and only let out on occasion . You know the regular degular things you need emotion at like , weddings, baby births, some arguments . Overall, she hasn’t seen or been in the same spaces that my brain has. She has been protected for so long and there lies the second part of my dilemma.

My brain is telling me to be logical. Keep crazy in her cage. She will say anything for me to let her out and galavant. My brain believes we’ve made it thus for unscathed. We’ve checked off damn near every box on our goal sheet before or on time. We’ve did it with morals, a semi clean record (in life not in law lol), and with a good heart. “Why fixed what aint broke”?

My heart wants out of this mediocre life that she feels my brain has lead her to. She is annoyed and doesn’t believe I am living to my full potential. She wants me to let her loose to show, that her back doesn’t need to be up against the wall for me to see magic.. she IS magic in itself. My heart not only wants to roam these Brooklyn streets, she wants to roam this country, she wants to roam the world and then take it OVER.

Will Otivia choose her heart or her brain?

Will she galavant these Brooklyn streets and venture far out until she can’t hear the Yeeeerrrrrrrrrs of the wild?

or

Will she continue on her path and let her brain lead like its been doing with minimal flaws so far?

Find out next time…

You’ve been an amazing crowd, Get home safely,

-O