I’m out here acting ‘brand new’ and it feels great.

Suddenly acting outside of the scope of one’s normal routine behavior or knowledge of something well familiar to them.

When I say I’m brand new I really mean it. Like at this point I’m on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air casting, level of brand newness lol. December 31st 2017 I went upstairs Aunt Viv #1 and January 1st 2018 I came down those same stairs as Aunt Viv #2.

For the first time in my life I’m practicing what I preach and choosing to live positively. Every thing in my life has stayed the same, except for how I view & react to them.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no where near perfect nor is my life all unicorns and bacon but I feel like I’m working towards something and my progress is enough to keep me Satisfied.

Now if you know me the word “satisfied” is not something you could usually associate with Otivia. Like I’ve said before, losing my twin left me with the insatiable hunger to achieve goals. Once I achieve one thing I’ll go right into something else and the cycle continues.

I believe I’ve found my thing, my calling,my purpose. I believe I’m actually doing something of substance and my hunger can now be fed appropriately. As if I was a carnivore living on a plant based diet for my whole life and today I was given a whole meat lovers feast to eat all by dolo ( by myself ).

My biggest concern/fear now is that I don’t lose focus and become unproductive. Because girllllllllll!! Working from home, on your own terms is a different beast. Do you remember your first semester in college when you had to adjust to the fact of being an ‘adult’ and making your own decisions? Like wait your not gonna tell my momma that I didn’t go to class ? Oh my dad can’t see my grades unless I give him my portal ID number?

I now have to be in control of my own productivity. Give myself break time and set daily, weekly, monthly goals. I have to now be accountable for every aspect of my business and know that there is no one to blame but myself if it doesn’t go as planned. That is such a daunting yet challenging thought.

I dream about aspects of my business and sometimes wake up out of my sleep to write things down. It’s literally on my mind 24/7. It’s now to the point where I take mental breaks during my day. I turn off all the lights and light a few candles. I put my phone on do not disturb, turn off the tv, close my laptop and just sit still. Every time a thought enters my mind I acknowledge it and go back to concentrating only on my breath. I sit and block everything out. I don’t think about the past, I don’t think about my future, I don’t think about my present.

Do you know how difficult it is to control your thoughts? Try It right now. Close your eyes and just breathe in and out only focusing on the breath. When a thought arises, just acknowledge it, without it taking over and leading to something else. How long can you last without your mind wandering and getting away from you?

‘Meditation’ has helped me be still. I do that for about 1 hour every day and once I’m finished I get right back into my routine. A routine that I’m growing to love more and more everyday. It is always something different but the feelings towards the routines are exactly the same. I am grateful and satisfied. Like I said I’m brand new sis! 

And I hope this isn’t coming across as boastful or bragging. I truly believe,

Balance is the key to life

So for every sad, confused, anxiety filled meme, Snapchat story or Instagram post that you read from me in 2016-2017 you will EQUALLY get happy, satisfied, positivity filled memes , Snapchat stories, Instagram posts and blogs from me now . As the kids say

Keep that same energy!

You have been an amazing crowd! Get home safely.

-Otivia