Let’s play a game. What do all of these pairs have in common.

Diamond & Ebony  ‘The Players Club’

Mitch & Uncle Ice ‘Paid in Full’

Fredo & Michael Corleone  ‘The God Father’

Bishop & Raheem ‘Juice’

Mufasa & Scar  ‘The Lion King’

If you said, these are characters from some CLASSIC movies, you are correct.  If you also said, in each of those pairs , it was family or a friend who was the main cause of pain for the Protagonist (the leading character or one of the major characters in a drama, movie, novel, or other fictional text), then you are equally correct .

Yay! We all win . You get to be woke , you get to be woke, you get to be woke!!!

For those of you who may be lost, I do not Movie-Shame. I only recently had the pleasure of watching a few classic movies, Blue Hill Ave and Scarface, so there is no judgment .  But, regardless if you are a movie buff or not, I’m sure that at one point in your life you let a persons questionable behaviors slide because of the title they held in your life.

I was once one of those people that screamed Family Over Everything! Bending over backwards and doing anything for ‘friends’ just because thats what I thought I should do. I never took a step back to see what this was doing to me mentally. When things went wrong and I felt betrayed I made excuses and justified behaviors with “Well thats my family or it’s okay thats my friend”.

In the Players Club, Diamond knew Ebony was questionable but she didn’t care because that was her ‘family’.  Diamond wanted to see the good in her cousin. She wanted to believe, that when all was said and done, Ebony would live up to her title. Unfortunately, it took a lot of heartache for Diamond to come to her senses and give us the iconic line.

“Sometimes …Blood aint no thicker than water”.

Now listen, I’m not saying all family members are going to move into your house, work at the same club as you, befriend your enemies, sleep with the father of your child and attend a very questionable bachelor party alone, but I am saying, the word FAMILY / Friend sometimes distorts our thinking and has us forgive and justify things that we normally wouldn’t.

Scar had some questionable friends and missed Simba’s coming into the world party. Yet and still, Mufasa held him down and kept his faith because that was his ‘family’.  Scar had Mufasa literally hanging from the side of a mountain with the confused face screaming ‘Brother’ as if that was suppose to knock Scar into reality and make him say,

Oh my fault Mufasa, I am your brother and I should not want to kill you and Simba, so that I can take what I believe to be, my rightful place as king.

Just like Diamond, Mufasa ignored clear signs that could’ve saved his life because he let the title of ‘brother’ and ‘family’ distort his thinking.

I know this is a tough conversation but please don’t get discouraged . There is a solution if you are willing to put in the work.

developed by society; a perception of an individual, group, or idea that is ‘constructed’ through cultural or social practice).

Mother, father, sister, brother, wife, family, friend, respect, love, cousin, boyfriend, those are all just words. WE give it meaning, we give it life.  It wasn’t until last year (the infamous 2017) that I began to deconstruct the Social Constructs in my life. I made a mental note of all the things I felt needed a change. I started by trying to change the actual people and realized shortly after, that it was a task for an insane person.

YOU CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE, YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE HOW YOU DEAL WITH THEM.

Deconstruct the word. Break it down and put your own meaning to it. Hold the people around you to a higher standard. Tell them how to love you AND be prepared for them to say NO . Be prepared for some people to be so set in their ways, that they aren’t able to meet your standards. Be prepared to take the next step.

I can’t tell you what that next step is, I can only say it will be scary but if done properly will feel soooooooo good.

Deconstructing social constructs is not the hard part. Reconstructing the meanings is where the real work happens. You have to now figure out how YOU want to be loved, instead of just following what you’ve been taught. What is a friend? What is family? What is your new definition of a mother or wife? What are your new standards?

Don’t get me wrong, I am still in the process of reconstruction. I’m currently putting in my work because I know that my near future is going to be bright. I’ve spoken fortune and success into my life and I only want loyal and trustworthy people around me when I begin to see the fruits of my labor. The iffy ones had a place in my life because they were hiding behind titles. Once I deconstructed the meanings and exposed the real it was easy to pick them all out. When I think of it now, they picked themselves out.

As a result I feel lighter. I feel like I won’t be blindsided with foolery. I stand up for myself more, I CHECK people from the beginning. None of the slick talk and then (LOL or j/k) at the end type of conversations over here. Like my big sis always says,

Say what you mean and mean what you say

I said all of that to say this.  I’ve raised the standards on titles in my life. No more allowing family and friends to get away with stuff that would get a stranger ignored for life. Nothing less than what I ask will be tolerated. Deconstruction and Reconstruction of social constructs dismantles EVERYTHING that you thought you knew while giving you EVERYTHING that you never knew you needed.

Sidenote: If you are confused about anything I’ve said, maybe you are on the other side of this conversation and may need to reevaluate your questionable ways.

You have been an amazing crowd! Get home safely

-Otivia