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Discovering Happiness, Daily

Discovering Happiness, Daily
The days when things are easy and the sun is shining are fantastic because feeling happy comes naturally.  However, I sure have had various points in my life when things haven't gone my way or I felt like my world was falling apart. Losing love, going through a divorce, breaking off an engagement, seeing my kids hurting, feeling like I have failed, struggles at work...all these things have negatively impacted my mental state as I experienced them.  When I was in high school, college, and then grad school, man, I would get really depressed.  I felt like I hated life for long stretches of time, and there were even periods when all I wanted to do was sleep days away until the days got better.  I look back and think about all that time I wasted being so unhappy.  But, I just didn't possess the Coping Skills, at the time, to know how to make it better for myself.  Somehow, over the years, my coping skills have improved.  In fact, I am no longer that person from 20 years ago, who struggled to see anything good when going through the bad.  I actually give my kids a lot of the credit for jump starting me to a shift in mental attitude.  These two, little people depend upon me and need me.  There is no time for falling apart.  When things go wrong and I want to beat myself up over mistakes I have made or I feel like I don't know how to pick up the pieces, there is no time to wallow.  Life simply must go on.  I certainly allow myself to be human and experience sadness, heartbreak, and defeat, but then I remind myself I cannot change what's already happened, so I have to keep moving forward.  My kids need help with homework, or are hungry for dinner, or to be driven to soccer practice (in fact, I am writing this post while they are at practice), or for a mom to ask how school went so they know that I am still present and care.  My kids have truly given me a foundation of strength, and even perspective, that keeps me grounded.  No matter what happens in my life, for the past eleven years I can at least say, I have my kids and even if I have nothing else, I will be okay.  Having them as my rock is great for the next seven years, while they are still living at home...
But there's also going to be life after my kids, when they don't depend upon me so much and the prospect of coming home every day to an entirely empty house isn't so appealing. Recently, I thought I had all that figured out and had found a companion to share the future with, so I looked forward to that time when the kids were on their own.  When that companion was suddenly gone, though, it really shook things up.  Though I could still have a positive outlook for my near term because I still had my kids, thinking too far ahead was downright depressing.  All I could envision was that I would eventually be alone, working a job I don't love, and no one I could count on, day-to-day, to share experiences with.  Wow, that sounds pitiful and depressing.  And, geez, I don't want to be that person.  I had to find a way to turn it around.  I don't want to just exist.  I don't want to be dependent upon my children for my Happiness and that wouldn't be fair to them.  In reality, that has never been the type of person I am because there is too much I enjoy that isn't dependent on them.  My problem, though, is that I have been very dependent on other people to do activities with and often felt I needed a companion to make experiences worthwhile and fulfilling.  But, people have their own lives and, as I get older, my friends are also busier with their families and significant others.  And, for me and others, who don't have a significant other, why should our experiences be any less meaningful than those who share them with someone?  Since there is no guarantee I will ever find a person to share my life with, I've had to figure out something that would bring me happiness on my own and even when I can't be out and about.  It's why the past couple months have been so transformative for me.  I have really been working to discover the things I enjoy that are independent of other people and some of which can even be done when I am at home.   It was difficult at first, but with time it's becoming easier.  I've already talked about my newfound enjoyment of running, hiking, learning Italian, painting, and obviously writing.  There's also another "tool" I have been using, and it's small, but it's helped. 
Since my goal is to retire early and travel across the U.S. and eventually overseas, I have recently made it a habit that before I fall asleep each night, I find images of beautiful places and I save them.  I have saved hundreds of these images.  I see them and save them.  I do the same thing with inspiring statements.  I read them and I save them.  I enjoy them as I find them, and I look back at them when I need a little boost.  These images and words always remind me of the big picture.  They remind me of where I am headed and what I want for my future.  They are the last things I see and read before I fall asleep.  They give me hope when it's sometimes faltering.  They keep me motivated when it's sometimes a challenge.  They alleviate my fears when I start to wonder how I can do everything I want to do all by myself.  It's amazing how much power a photograph of Schafberg Mountain in Austria can have or how mere words like, "Have faith in your own journey," can create positive thoughts, but for me, they carry all the power in the world.  And seeing these images and words keeps the goal real and achievable, instead of just a fantasy that only exists in my mind.  What I have realized through this process is that happiness doesn't just happen because of a vacation or a person or everything seemingly going right in your life.  I've done and had all that, and none of it has ever given me lasting happiness.  But, by working at it each day, through little things, I am doing a much better job at maintaining a steady state of happiness.  And, I recognize those moments when I may start to get a bit down and then take action before I let it consume me.  It's working.  It may not always be fool proof, but at least I am being proactive and putting in the effort to take charge of my thoughts and emotions.  I keep trying to add to my "toolbox" because things are always changing and instead of attempting to fix things (and coping mechanisms) after they fail, I want to prevent them from breaking or find alternative ones ahead of time.  I don't think there is ever an end point, where I will be able to say I am happy so I can simply run on automatic pilot.  A positive mindset definitely takes work.  I think it is getting easier, though, to utilize the tools I have discovered so that I enjoy more and more of each day and continue to be excited for my future. 


This post first appeared on Freedom Seeker, please read the originial post: here

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