Probably this is just a formality. That after one month of whatever I have been through, I feel it is in some way customary to blog about it. But as always, change sparks innovation and the sublime act of rediscovering oneself takes birth. Hence, I'd rather document it before the next big thing happens and this becomes a blur.

So when Internship started I was more than just excited. Despite the countless tales on how it's tiring and disheartening to sink down to the bottom of the food chain once again, I was pretty curious to get the feel of actually working as a doctor; What I had signed up for.

This is a month after and retrospection at this very moment brings forth a handful of memories ranging varying widely between the good, the bad and the ugly.

The herd of us who began work in Upper GI Surgery had different interests and agendas. What was common was the aim to try and be better everyday. In about a week I realised had so much to catch up on. Merely the fact that I was now responsible for other people was slightly not very easy to take. It made things seem important and serious and my inefficiency was an hinderence to whatever optimism that I had walked into internship with.
Like most people I had my host of bad days where things just don't happen the way you want it to. It was in a way a challenge to try and get better with each day, with each patient I had to look after and with each task I was expected to do.

Somewhere in the middle of the first month I realised the value of sleep, clean clothes, well kempt hair and loved ones. It was one of those beautiful yet sad moments in life when the casual absence of an entity reiterates it's importance.

I had an amazing bunch of people to work with and I am not saying that for the heck of it as I am sure that they won't probably have the time to read this.  But yes it's good when people treat you well even after trying to take the blame for the mistakes you make. And it goes a long way as I realised  how important my effort is in making life easier for my patients.

I have 2 more days left in Surgery and I should be back in the ward anytime now. There are a few things I have to do and my post prandial slumber will, I hope, charge me enough to get things in place.

Making mistakes isn't probably the only  worry. But the fact that you need to learn from them which gives me a sense of responsibility and inner strength to face whatever comes.

So it's been a month and I am not sure about how excited I am. But I am grateful and proud of so many tiny things and I hope it helps me be who I someday want to.