LIVING, in the truest sense of the word, was never my thing. Raised by nuns in an all-girls catholic school, who would have thought I'd end up as a bum disguising herself as a College student. Life has not been very kind to me. Yes I have things that other people of my age could only dream of, convenience almost as that of a princess. But it's as though I can never get enough of all these privileges... I keep on asking for more.
However, weird enough, a part of me says that I never wanted any of it in the first place. All I want is a cup of freedom, an ounce of privacy, and a pint of diplomacy at home. But I suppose if it would have been otherwise, I'd refer to an up-to-date and oh-so-chic Laptop as something not too much to ask.
My bed is my only space at home. My laptop is my only buddy. It seems to be the only thing willing to compromise. My pen is my only servant, and my bag is my safe. Our gates are high voltaged by approximately body-mega watts, and our telephone lines are parent-tapped. We have SUVs with stay-close engine, and air conditioning at home with so-you'd-stay-in horse power. Not bad huh? Yes I have pretty much anything and everything ordinary peoplse could ask for. Except for one thing - myself.
Turning into somebody you are not does not only require a cup of effort. It also requires a bucket-full of heart aches and a pool of tears. You may be wondering. Why would I let anybody turn me into somebody I am not? Why not confront them? Why not try to talk to them? Then maybe you'd better think twice. If I am to do it for those people who Dedicated their lives for my comfort, convenience and happiness, then why not. Well yes I am not really comfortable and happy about all these, but that's the best they could give. It is their way of showing, of telling, of making it known, that they love me. Asking for more is a bit too much for someone who never really gave them anything to be proud of, anything to be happy about. If trying to live with it would make them happy, worry free, and less stressed, then why not.
How long can I keep this up? For as long as I have to. Although I've committed lots of mistakes and may have along the way, at least I can say I gave it my best shot. Although they won't buy that, since they always believed I can do so much better, with the given time, opportunity and emotional strength, I can say I gave it my all.
This won't last long anyway. After I Finish College, assuming that I will finish college, then I'm off to find a job, rent my own apartment and live life as an independent individual... NOT! After college I'll go find a job, try to raise money so my parents can finally retire, and take care of my little brothers and little sisters. Man oh man I really hope I can do all these...
But what if I die early. Then I'd never get to experience life the way it should be experienced. Then I'd never get to live the way I want to live. Then I'd never get the chance to do the things that I want to do. Then I'd never get the chance to pamper my passion. Then I'd never be able to feel how it is living like any other people on the planet. Then I'd never get to experience the things I always wished I could. No biggie... NOT! But hey... At least I died full of love for my relatives, my brothers and sisters, and the people who unselfishly dedicated their blood and sweat to an undeserving bitch - me.
