Once upon a time there was a girl who more often than not got misunderstood. She was pretty and kind. But also intelligent with an authoritative straight back head up posture that many saw as threatening. What others didn’t know, was that she was shy. She didn’t like to be the centre of attention, and to counteract she straighten her back and held her head up high. Not knowingly, and not Knowing how others reacted to it. She didn’t follow the rules in the box she’d been put in. She didn’t agree with what everyone in the box was supposed to think and say. She had a mind of her own, and just didn’t fit in. Especially when she worded those thoughts. But she never forced anyone else to follow her ways. She, herself, didn’t even know where her thoughts came from in the beginning, if others were ready to hear them or if her thoughts even fitted into any box. She then started her academic path. At first she felt that her choice of studies might have been a wrong choice, due to the literature they were supposed to read. She had a hard time understanding some of the focus points, and there were too many in-the-box-yay-sayers in the class for her liking. She also felt that some of the literature they were given was feeding on the get-everything-served-on-a-silver-platter-I-have-rights mentality she just couldn’t stand. Her curious mind got her searching for a little more hard facts, science. What did different science actually say? Starting finding other great thinkers outside the box, or in-the-box-nay-sayers if you like, she understood her studies was, spot on, the right choice. And then there was her way of being as well. She was able to adopt to any situation, to fit in when she wanted to and not if she didn’t have the energy, where the latter made her stand out as a bit off. Her studies, and set of mind, had over a two year period made her more confident. She had started to accept to not fit in, and dare to somewhat voice her opinion in public. Not only her opinion, but also showing a different front stage behaviour. She didn’t care if her reaction to things made others feel uneasy or left them wonder about it. She also found a bit of pleasure in others wondering about who she really is, and to have stopped explaining herself in situations she before felt she needed to. Instead of people just assuming things, she started thinking ‘if something is questionable, ask!’. She also said that to herself, ‘ask!’.

This ‘she’ is me.

And this ‘she’ is continuously changing into a stronger person, stronger in so many different ways as well. I’m putting a lot of hard work into myself, and not only with my studies. I’m focusing on finding my own balance in life, and I keep learning so much in the process. Both about myself and others. Rocky roads and bumpy rides has become my everyday way of living, but instead of melting down or finding myself standing on breaking ice, I embrace it.

I’m on my second year of my finding myself journey. An old but new me-version.

• 2017 – the year I wanted to start putting me before others
• 2018 – the year I decided to become more of a you-don’t-have-to-ask-me-twice person
• 2019 – the year I’ll put my feet on solid ground. For good!

I already now know 2019 is going to be an adventure. I have no idea of what is coming, and I can’t plan anything for half a year. And that is kind of what excites me, the not knowing part. One thing I do know though, is that I don’t have a job after New Years. I’ve wanted to leave for some time, and I actually have stopped several times before, but this time there’s no going back. And I’m really excited about it, strangely enough. The strange feeling of not knowing the future is one thing that has always got a hold of my curious mind.

But I have to be honest…

I have a job that pays semi-well. It’s also a job that means that I have to be away from home for two weeks per month. I’ve had it for more than 13 years and it’s become a lifestyle, my way of living. But I also study full time, and not on distance. That means I miss a lot in school when I’m out working, and need to study harder. And… School is my priority.

I have for the last few weeks been thinking back and forward about finding a job back home. I need it, because I don’t feel I’ve been focusing on my studies at all since I started uni around a year ago. So I was looking at getting a job back home that is more relative to my studies. But my good salary, where I’m at, had me doubting…

So, what happens then? Yeah, what happened?!!!

The company I work for, without knowing it, took the decision for me!

They decided to close down our department and we were all given notice (which is a first for me, check!). And while my colleagues got sad, worried, upset, stressed, and all that comes with a decision like that, I could not not get my smile off my face. A bit disrespectful to everyone else involved, I get that. But hey! Money wise, it was the best that could happen to me at this point. I’ve been in the company for so long that I will get nine months worth of salary. And getting full paid for nine months while studying… And just studying as well. PLUS having had the thoughts of leaving anyway… Who wouldn’t react with a big smile. I almost felt I was getting rewarded somehow. And again, if anyone is questioning my reaction, just ask! I’m a happy person and hard to drag down. I rather see one tiny positive thing in an ocean of negative things, or more, I turn the negative into a positive. And I shouldn’t need to explain myself on that note.

Now my head is spinning with thoughts about my next move. Not that I ‘can’ do anything for half a year, because I’m kind of blocked for the whole notice period. If I want to get the money, that is. Which I of course want! But I feel like a running horse, full of adrenaline, who gets held back just before the race starts. I’ve never since I started working (as a fifteen year old) been unemployed, so my head is a mix of excitement and a light version of fear with what the future has to offer. But I don’t worry or stress about it. I’ll be fine and I know it.

Except one tiny tiny small little stressful detail… If any of my eight colleagues, working on a different location, will quit within my six months notice period…

I have to take it…