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Is Laughter Ruining my Self-Esteem?

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.
I like to think of myself as a genuinely happy person. I try my hardest to smile, all the time and to give people compliments and always Laugh at my friends jokes. I never really think about being happy in the same way that I think about being sad because when I'm upset the issues and events that have led to my sadness are usually very clear and often really bother me. For example, the other day I was so agitated and angry. I knew that it was because my sister had done something really dumb, that annoyed me and I had the right to be angry about it. it consumed my every thought for hours after until I just forgot. But today I got thinking I never think about why I'm happy or why I am laughing. I just do it.

It hit me, pretty hard, laughing isn't always a good thing, especially when I'm doing it. When people make fun of me or take the piss out of something I'm trying to do (or something I'm trying to achieve) I  usually just laugh it off. The truth is it's not funny, it actually really hurts my feelings and that's one of the reasons why I go through such emotional lows in my life. Why sometimes I think that I should just give up on what I'm trying to do. It embarrasses me when people joke and prod at my flaws and things they think I can't do:

"Like, oh my God you're thinking of starting a blog ha ha, that's soooooo funny!"

What's so funny about me going for something. Why do you feel the need to bring me down! All these thoughts go to my head and the anger and the self-hatred begins to bubble, but instead, I just laugh. I join in with the joke that is me. That's not okay. I shouldn't be a part of the force that is trying to hurt my self-esteem. The point is that most of the people that are doing this are people that I love the most in this world, which makes the situation just that much harder.

So starting today I'm not going to laugh about things that hurt me, instead I'm either just going to walk away from the conversation that I'm not enjoying (and figure a way to deal with it in a positive way) or I'm going to start expressing the thoughts in my head that usually don't make it out into the world. This is because my self-esteem is precious and it deserves to be fought for, not messed with. It's probably going to take a while, as breaking any bad habit does, but I'm confident that this will benefit my life in the future.


This post first appeared on Nice & Sweet, please read the originial post: here

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Is Laughter Ruining my Self-Esteem?

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