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Somehow Forward - My Struggle With Bipolar Depression And Suicide Blog


somehowforward.blogspot.com
I have a great life and a horrible mind. This a my tug of war between healthy reality and destructive chemistry; a chronicle of my battle with treatment-resistant bipolar depression. Life doesn't always make sense, and at times trying to find the answer or solution just makes things worse. Is that the end of it? No. It's not always about the destination, it's about the journey. Here is my journey.
ECT Treatment #2
2017-06-27 17:03
All New BeginningsThe first few treatments is a wiggling game. The doctors are trying to decide what my energy threshold is for a good seizure and the anesthesiologist is working on det… Read More
New Beginnings
2017-06-23 12:55
I am many things this morning. Mostly selfish things. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. I'm scared. I just want the world to go away.Damn ChangeI hate change. The end results I often like… Read More
Still Here. Still Waiting.
2017-06-16 12:54
.............Summer sucks. Too much down time. I don't do well under my own steam. I stagnate and deteriorate. School started up, which has helped a lot. But I'm still not doing well. It see… Read More
What I Need In Life
2017-06-12 12:55
Unfortunately, I have trouble seeing beyond the self. My personal issues cloud the larger picture of what exactly is going on in the world as a whole, what is life, is there a grand purpose… Read More
2017-05-31 01:57
Why Not?Tomorrow I set off on a 1,500 mile drive from Texas to California. My son and I will be doing a blitzkrieg drive in 2 days. If he had his license we could have driven through. Oh wel… Read More
Down Tomorrow's Black Hole
2017-05-29 19:49
It Really Doesn't MatterI cannot speak for everyone else, but I can feel a dip coming on... before it actually hits. Call it a dip, a depression, a relapse, and major issue. Whatever. It's a… Read More
Just Another Day
2017-05-27 23:24
Here I am. I suppose that is good. That's what they say. But why?There has to be a reason that being here is better than not being here? What is it? A good deal of the time I don't want… Read More
You're Fired, I'm Fired
2017-05-24 00:45
Times are a Changin'My psychiatrist and I mutually fired each other today. He is downright set against ECT and I am for it. I understand the consequences of ECT and asked him if he was willi… Read More
Everything And Nothing
2017-05-23 01:43
I've Got It AllI have everything I ever need and yet I have nothing. How can this be? I would say that it is mostly in my mind. I am in the first world, am upper-middle class, have a loving… Read More

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