I'd like to begin this blog by stressing my awareness of exactly how blessed I truly am. I have 5 beautiful, healthy children in my life, and a husband I couldn't possibly be more in love with. We have a solid marriage, which is no small feat in today's world. We have a warm home, and never miss a meal.

With that said, it occurred to me that no matter where we are in our lives, we all have some Dream or goal that keeps us focused on where we are going and what we envision for our futures. Some manage to achieve some version of this and are able to then move on to new aspirations. Unfortunately, that has not been the case for me.

We moved around a lot after my parents divorced. I hated it. It seemed almost pointless to try to make new friends. We'd soon enough be moving again anyway. The experience really strengthened in me the need for my children to have a real home.

As a very young adult, and a single mom, I started my journey with trying to reach my goal. After scouring every home available in 3 counties, I soon figured out that my minimum wage job and less than perfect Credit would only enable me to acquire small loans that would only cover houses that needed a tremendous amount of work. Work the House payment would not permit me to afford.

Not afraid of a challenge or a little hard work, I decided to go to college. I just knew if I could get a better education I could inturn land a better job that would eventually help me to improve my credit along with increase the payment I could afford even if I had any idea of how to complete it.

I graduated in 2007. I was able to get a good job and bought my 1st home. It was a really small house, but it suited the needs of me and my 2 children perfectly. I always looked at it as a starter home and assumed it was an incredible step in our journey to the home I'd always envisioned for us.

I managed to make the payments regularly for 5 years. According to my plan, this should have been around the time I would finally reach my goal of being able to purchase the house that my kids would someday bring their grandkids to. The home that would bring them comfort and security when they looked back on it. However, a lot had happened in those 5 years.

Financially, things began to deteriorate. Instead of buying the home I had worked so hard toward and wanted so badly, we lost the one we had. Of course, my credit was now worse then ever. I refused to give up. I tried every nonconventional way I could think of, but inevitably had to accept that I would now have to wait 5 more years due to filing bankruptcy, and then start all over.

I had gotten married, and we soon added 2 more children to our family. This again, lit a fire in me. All I wanted was to give them a nice home. I wanted them to grow up making memories together in a house they were proud to live in without fear of having to move. My husband's credit was improving. I must have drug him to look at at least 50 homes within the 1st 4 years of our marriage. Each new house would bring hope. I would picture our family there. I'd even paint the walls and decide where to put my furniture in my mind.

Just when we were about to buy, he lost his job. We have since moved away and started a new life in an area we expected could offer more opportunity then our little hometown. Still stretching every dollar while desperately trying not to let our credit slip, I look back on my life and realize this dream may never be.

I know we are good parents and our kids are going to turn out just fine, but each milestone our baby girl reaches reminds me of how fast they are growing up and exactly how little time we have before they will be out in the world chasing their own dreams. It makes me a little sad to think not 1 of them ever had a real nursery. I know they had everything they needed and will never remember or care about such trivial things. Still, as a mom, it's just one of the many things I wanted to give them that having our home would have provided.

So, I'll go on doing what we all do. I'll love them so much that they will never know what they missed out on...and someday I will tell them all about mommy's forgotten dream. Though they may never have the home I so longed for them to have as children, they will know mommy tried. With everything I had to give...mommy tried.

If you enjoy my posts, and haven't already, I'd like to invite you to check out my book Beastly Dreams. It's free for anyone with Amazon Prime or Kindle Unlimited. Every page flipped and every review gets me closer to my goal and is truly appreciated by this mommy ♡ Thank you to everyone for all your support.

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