There's a tradition in our house that involves major cleaning when we know Family is going to be staying with us. My oldest daughter has always helped me with this tedious chore. I remember discussing it with her when she was younger. She said, "But they are family, why do we have to be so thourough." I explained that it was out of respect and love that we try hard to make our home nice, clean, and comfortable for them.

This year I was so excited that my mother in law was coming to Visit for Thanksgiving and bringing my daughter who had been away at college, as well as her brother, who lives with his mother in Kentucky. I started my usual tradition of freshly washing towels, blankets, and sheets that had been stored away in a closet. I remembered as I cleaned, all the years I'd done this and how it was actually kind of fun, having my older daughter to help me.

That's when I realized that my own child had now become the "company" I was cleaning for. I had a bit of a moment. Her entire life I had been home to her. From the time she was living inside my own body to the time she moved into her dorm, home had always been wherever I was.

She can't travel 9 hours one way when she goes "home" on the weekends, and wouldn't even if she could. To her, home is the town she grew up in. I knew she wasn't telling her friends she was going "home" for the holiday break, but instead was explaining she was going to visit her parents. When her visit was over and it was time to leave, she would then consider herself to be headed home. She would from now on, look at her time with us as visits.

I pondered on this for some time. I hadn't fully taken into account how much her relationship with us would change when she left for school. Our lives had been so chaotic at the time, I think I underestimated the significance of her moving into the dorm. Most kids get to travel home regularly, maintaining that connection to their family. She was so far away, she had begun to take care of herself entirely.

I watched her during her stay. I noticed how she had changed and how grown up she looked. I noted she no Longer felt the need to ask for permission or to seek approval. We talked about her plans for her future and she told me what she was going to do. She made all her own decisions and they were well thought out. I was fully aware that any insight I might add was only advice to be taken into consideration now and would have little bearing on what she ultimately chose.

There's a sense of pride that comes with knowing you've raised a child who is now competent and responsible enough to take care of themselves but it's sadly overshadowed by the sense of loss you feel when you realize they no longer need you. Wherever she ends up, I know that home, for me, will never be the same.