Implosion

Today my PR postcards came in
They arrived while Aya and I were getting lunch with Case
I’m happy with the way they look
but I dread sending them out

We are running on schedule
I can feel my body wanting to shut down
My desire to pull hard on the brakes
screeching to a silent halt
still
safe
same

Aya is helping me put the list together
She knows how hard this is for me
It is hard fro her to do this for herself too
We are going to help each other
She will work with me to get my cards out
and I will do the same for her

I hate this
I love shooting
I hate promoting
pimping
whoring
yuck
FUCK

I want to move forward
out of this still place
I want to take chances
move
change
evolve

Tonight
I will hand write each card
stamp

Tomorrow
send

Then make calls
and see what happens

I will feel uncomfortable
hate it
but do it anyway

I will not sabotage
I will push through this

Go
Grow