Doubters ?

Strangely, no opiates, as I take precisely as prescribed (max of 30 my p/d) but I think I was so ill (sinus infection too, severe 2 + weeks before my nearly ill fated tri-shit-fecta) that I didn't take any for a day or two before as my anxiety gets "jacked" on it too often.

Hoping to switch to hydrocodone or even kratom with permission. Lots to further consult about !

I'm set to transition now, kratom in hand, but only under permission.

I also have a ridiculously high metabolism, and my business is my business in the sense of my health, however no THC is admittedly odd !

I already spoke to my specialists super candidly, and THC and CBD alone should be of absolutely zero concern.

I use it for restorative restful sleep.

Recently, 3.5 months without was miserable and I also had no decent sleep in that time, but also this sinus infection that completely kicked my tail until my condition nosedived into I think a stroke (unsure still, a bit mentally fuzzy still too after concussion) then a heart attack where I coded dead !

I was revived (by the grace of many beautiful souls) and I am healing and getting slowly dialed back in.

Switched from oxy to hydrocodone, a massive difference upon my anxiety, of which I've twice or three times complained to my supervising specialists since I transitioned to it.

I am on 30% the amount of what I was once on as far as value, and that is comparative to stringer medications I needed until I solved an infection issue if which my doctor confirmed my wildly strange speculative but researched suggestion. Tests proofed me correct, and I was almost immediately able to cut my narcotics by first 10%, then again by a complete 2/3 or 67% !!!  Maintained this needed maintenance of severe spinal disease but with noted complaint of severe anxiety and
my return to cigarettes sadly after over 3 years of abstinence from any and all nicotine.

I'm on even less now after what just transpired.

I'm only utilizing of pure necessity, and I share so that the judgemental shall eat their words and better understand a fight I pray nobody ever has to wage over debilitating life stealing pain !!!

Anyone may and can think what you will, but the science is proof of my abstinence.

I'm imperfect but don't confuse that with insane, it's called "inpain" !!!

For anyone that doubts my over 10+ diseases, come see me and adventure with me through my files !

All disease genetics in my case or viral ! Not anything at all from any forms of abuse, very thankfully.

I could care less of another opinion if myself, and I share this to say, be good yo yourself and seek answers and the finest professionals.

If you are ever a patient at WMHS, sign up for the patient portal !!!

Praying to find solutions, many steps taken quickly as I heal at the speed of light, but paced and carefully asking please for your help in any way you see fit yo accommodate. Prayer is appreciated.

I desperately desire life, and I hope I have a bit left, as it's time to make music soon and hibernate in my new studio taking shape. Basic & sleek.

I want myself and my life like that new studio / media room, basic and sleek.

Time to part with many if my possessions.

I am unable to now arc weld for example (pacemaker/ defibrillator) and there are now many things I just may not attempt anymore, as I new today would gone, if I survived.

I've been thought a liar and called hideous hateful things by those that have never experienced the walk if my journey. May you, I pray never understand, but instead, be compassionate dammit !!!! Your evil words upon honestly deeply ill individuals kills more than anything !!!

When you judge and diagnose  others as an ignorant civilian and broadcast it out loud with hate, its sadly you that needs help.

Now will social security help me after two failed attempts and and one current open decision? It feels that they rather I die ! I love my country, but here in a particular regard see only needed reform, and a system that richens lawyers and kills clients!!!

If I cannot speak when I am gone, maybe again soon but permanently, well, I sure can now.

I'm begging for a demand on reform of social security disability !!!

I was even asked to lie by my last attorney at my video conference case review / determination in front of the video administrative law judge. I know why he asked me to lie, but I could not and will not.

He asked me so we could win dirty, instead of him working hard to present my clear and convincing case ! Being humiliated is despicable when you've done nothing wrong ! I'm worn hard and eroded in my soul and health through these continuous battles.

Beyond losing my life regained, but still remaining on this cusp, I will fight until I've not only win, but been a catalyst to that reform.

I've been robbed of my work credits and countless years of better care, yet still I will fight, properly only with honor.

The other cusp I'm sitting upon today is losing everything else I have, and in working hard to right that ship too, but it may be too late, and then what ?

I'll be under a bridge with my dogs and a guitar and my bird and cats, because after all, that's what I deserve right ???

Do you want to know what tired is ???

I pray for reform with social security and I pray for help to maintain my home I'm so very close to losing forever.

I cannot drive for 6 months with my "new parts / pacemaker/ deffibulater, and so I'm unsure if I could live in my slide in camper on my truck and I've nowhere to Take My RV.

& I need to reduce stress.......

Shattering again after already being shattered, called names like liar and addict, mentally and physically abused and battered, diagnosed ridiculous diagnosis often incorrect when I spoke honest & direct, complaining of my heart since 1997, 65 pounds less fatter, diagnosed unusual weight loss ? For dieting and busting my butt hard to achieve, I'm tired of the consistent beat down, I'm in tatters (RS),  my mind left echoing in clatters, tatters, tatters.

Sunday August 12th I departed this place. a voice said within me if you want to live you have to fight, repeating what I had said to my friend very seriously 2 days before. I stated to him that there Comes a Day once in awhile in these lives where we're dead or closed and we have to make a decision and decide to fight if we want to live. two days later I laid dead on the floor in full Cardiac Arrest where I coded. As I was just only the voice of my thoughts, and no longer connected to the sensory input of my body, I was in a place of complete and utter Blackness and tranquility, again just my voice, and it was at that moment when I thought about I have to fight and say what do I do next to get back to that fight?, the only thing I next me it was to jump back into that broken and tired vessel dead on the floor.

I came back spewing spit out of my mouth spraying the beautiful men and/or women saving my life, as I do not know who they were yet and  although I cannot wait to meet them I must as I have a pace that my doctors have sent me a pace that I must maintain.

I was back in my body and I need that I must take every ounce of energy I could muster and somehow push everything out of my lungs all at once, and of course that was probably due to the assistance from the outside and afterwards I inhaled the biggest breast I have ever taken in my life and I knew that I was back but I screamed bloody murder and curse those people that had me pinned down as I completely freaked out not remembering what really happened in reality.

I think that quickly passed but I'm quite unsure, although the pain was unbelievable and it was everywhere and a lot of it Still Remains, and I remain in a habitat in this broken vessel still, because I'm not done. I am very most certainly not implying that that was entirely my decision, but I certainly had a factor in the overall formula without a doubt. if I had seen a rainbow I had in my mother and the Beautiful light there's no way I would have ever come back, but in the darkness as I existed only a voice and I was worried about my dogs and said desperately love life I didn't care what it took and if I would be paralyzed as I thought, I do have back in from the black abyss and with the help of the medical professionals was home in 5 days.

My doctor told me I was an absolutely incredible patient !!! 3 times in a row !!!  he knows my fight is real and he knows that I am a great fighter and Lee's regards and that something makes me want to stick around.

For 5 days I had very intense Around the Clock care, it catheterization, and surgery to install a pacemaker and defibrillator and went from Dead on Arrival to home.

I am who I am, plain and simple.

the miracle workers are the wonderful beautiful professionals at the Western Maryland Health System which I just cannot thank you enough but trust me I will be working very hard on that task and I will be working hard to design a fundraiser for the Cardiology department at ever beautiful local hospital.

It's our choice if we want bitterness to kill us, or if we want to funnel the negativity into a machine of positivity, where outcomes May last longer than our lives so that we may help others not have to suffer the shortcoming of systems that fails many of us.

I have never ever been treated with such loving care and cared about so well as an individual until I died and was resuscitated and was dealt with by a conceit well-informed coordinated team that was completely aware of my multiple multiple diseased condition.  I have never ever had more respect for any medical care in my life, and I mean not even close.

On another project I am working on with a Maryland Delegate, of which I have the utmost respect, I am supposed to testify so that we can introduce our coordinated work as a bill asking our state / federal government for greater funding for our State's Attorney's office, and I'm not ready to depart this place until I'm Victorious and certain areas that I feel called too. Our state Governor has declared a state of emergency concerning opioids in Maryland, and we must smash this "culture of crime" here locally in Cumberland, and statistically we have fewer attorneys in the State's Attorney's office to prosecute the criminals than in any other County in all of Maryland.

I don't know what will be forthcoming, but I know I'm going to be working hard so that I can make it long enough to accomplish these dreams set before me.

If victory costs me my life but spares others, then it is a victory worth fighting for.

It's certainly a far sweeter victory if I'm able to survive.

In my city, the Battleground is all around us in there is not a single family that goes unaffected.

Soon, however, afterwards, deeply desire to have a cabin in the woods where I can rest, write, and study, and all in solitude, until my ultimate humbling departure.

Li did mix two issues to a degree but they intermingle and they are each a part of my life and a part of my college studies and part of my deep desire to be of Public Service in some way shape or form so that I can contribute more than what I have taken, which I feel is it that I may never be able to repay at this point.

I have multiple bridges in front of me I'm going to be blindly crossing soon and I don't even know what kind of help I am asking for but I know I need all the help I can get even if it's just a prayer.

All I pray for is God's Will and the power to carry that out, and I pray for grace and the acceptance of all outcomes, that I may move forward  only once Justice is served... Peace, Love, & Understanding !!!