Some years back I heard the story of a well-known minister and his response to Feedback. After preaching, he would greet the members of the congregation as they exited. Of course, many of them simply offered a greeting of “Good morning” or something similar. But there would always be some who would gush about the wisdom of the sermon or the pastor’s gift of presenting. And then there would be others who were quick to point out their better understanding of the passage or the weaknesses in the pastor’s ability to explain or relate to the congregation. For both groups that offered feedback, the pastor had the same response: “Thank you!” He responded in a clear attitude of humility and gratitude both to affirmation and criticism.

As a leader we should value opportunities to receive feedback from those around us, be they peers, superiors, or subordinates on the organization chart. Feedback, whether it be affirmation or criticism, provides a different perspective. We are often blind to certain weaknesses that could use some growth, or we denigrate strengths on which we should more often capitalize. Research has demonstrated that the most effective leaders value and seek feedback. There seems to be a cause and effect relationship here. Effective leaders get to that level because they are intentionally and consistently growing. Feedback is an important tool for identifying and prioritizing our growth opportunities.

While we should value and seek it, requesting feedback is not the easiest thing to do, especially when this is a new habit that you are seeking to develop. Here are some steps that lead to effective feedback:

Lay the foundation through open dialog.Feedback is only of value when it is honest and accurate. Before someone will be willing to give you feedback, especially if that person is a subordinate, they must experience you as an open listener. They must be completely comfortable that you are able and willing to hear honest feedback without repercussions. Without a context of safety, your request for feedback will only prompt platitudes or responses that are postured to please you. Before seeking feedback, develop a culture or reputation of communication, safety, and connection.

Ask for feedback in a context of learning.Another step toward receiving honest and accurate feedback requires proper posturing of the request. When seeking feedback, first explain the purpose and motivation. To simply blurt out “I’d like some feedback” leaves the observer hanging. Instead the request should begin with something like: “I am working to improve___ and I want to learn ____. Would you be willing to provide me with some honest feedback?” An explanation of your motive behind the request reduces the risk experienced by the observer and sets the context for the feedback that you are seeking.

Ask the hard people for feedback.It’s easy to ask a friend for feedback and that can be helpful, but don’t stop there. Seek input from those that are sometimes critical or with whom you haven’t been able to build a connection. Their input might be on the growing edge and the discussion may help build the relationship.

Be ready for feedback and be an active listener.The feedback that you receive may be positive or negative. Positive feedback tells you what is going well or identifies strengths, but negative feedback identifies behaviors or traits on which you’ll need to work. Being surprised or responding defensively is the worst reaction one can have when receiving feedback—especially when it was feedback that was requested. A poor response demonstrates to the observer that you really have no interest in hearing honest feedback. When seeking feedback, you need to be ready for either the positive or the negative. In either case, the best response to feedback is generally: “Thanks. Please tell me more about that or give me some examples or suggestions for alternative behaviors so that I can better understand.” The first statement of feedback is often a general statement. The purpose of seeking feedback is to find actionable descriptions that guide your development plans. Therefore, when seeking feedback, you need to be ready to hear, explore, and understand. Summarize and use the great question, “Please tell me more.” If you sincerely seek feedback, your part is listening to understand, not explaining, defending, or judging.

Know that it is not about you.Well, it might seem to be about you, but it should be about your behavior, attitude, or words. If it feels too much about your personality or character, ask the questions that will identify the behaviors that you need to understand. Be sure to keep perspective and purpose in mind if you feel yourself ready to defend. Handle your emotions off-line. If you have a reaction to something said, you might respond with a “wow, that’s tough to hear” as long as you thank them for their candor and express your appreciation for their input. Then, find a separate place and person where you can deal with the emotions.

Take action on the feedback.If you seek feedback, take the time to process the input received, to develop a plan of action, and to actually work on growing. This may require sorting out the feedback that you hear and prioritizing the areas that will provide the greatest impact on your growth in effectiveness as a leader. There will be input that you decide to discount or ignore but be sure you are truthful with yourself. Sometimes the thing that strikes us the most identifies a blind spot with which we need to deal. But don’t ask for feedback and then ignore it or get too busy to use what you have learned about yourself. To do so devalues the provider of the feedback and communicates that we weren’t serious.

Circle back to encourage the culture.Once you have received feedback and begun a growth plan, circle back to express your appreciation to those who have provided honest and helpful responses. Perhaps offer a short description of the action that you are taking or ask them to hold you accountable and provide more feedback in the future. By doing so, you demonstrate the reality of your desire to grow and positively reinforce their willingness to provide feedback.

It is common for people around us to avoid the volunteering of feedback, either because of a fear of backlash or because they expect that we may not be interested. An effective leader seeks to grow and improve and they value other people and their opinions. Therefore, they are always open to feedback. Leaders accept feedback with humility and gratitude. Sometimes we need to “prime the pump” by seeking it out. Once we establish a reputation of positive acceptance of feedback, we may even find team members willing to volunteer comment when they see areas for growth. A leader’s ability and willingness to accept and act upon feedback from those around us helps in our growth and also in building the relationship of trust and respect that is necessary for effective leadership.

Are you receiving regular feedback from a variety of sources? How does it guide your growth and development?