Are you unconsciously casting yourself in a disadvantaged role?

I’m intrigued by this phenomenon; if it doesn’t apply to you, you almost certainly know someone who could benefit from the insight.

Are you the Younger Sister?

In two decades of personal communications and executive coaching, I've noticed that many of my clients assume a specific kind of "family" relationship with individuals in their business communications. The most common example is the young female professional who unconsciously casts herself in the role of either "younger sister" or "daughter" when interacting with more senior executives or partners. Consequently, the senior person receives the impression of a less mature and less confident person.

Or the Younger Brother?

Males do it too; one of my clients is a highly successful fundraiser for a large U.S. university. He is required to raise $4-6 million a year for the University, and is continuously Speaking and presenting to potential donors and philanthropists. He's one of the finest speakers I've ever worked with; charismatic, strikingly good-looking, and a natural raconteur.

Two years ago I noticed a slight" tone" in his way of speaking, particularly to older people. I suggested that in his next presentation he try to speak to his audience as if he were their older brother, or even their father. We videotaped the presentation -- and although the content was identical to the previous one, his confidence, warmth and his authority were all remarkably stronger. I still replay that tape from time to time; it was one of the most dramatic improvements I have ever experienced.

Time to step up

As we mature and change, we don't necessarily feel any different about ourselves. Most of my clients underestimate the level of respect that people are willing to give them. People are ready to accept us, based on how we present ourselves - if you are unconsciously communicating in a way that is younger or more deferential than your actual age and experience warrants, you will probably not get the respect you deserve. I suggest that you start to pay attention to how you speak in the key relationships in your work. To inspire confidence and gain the trust of others, we need to show up fully and unapologetically as confident and experienced as we actually are. Try some experimenting; try speaking to some people "as if" you were their affectionate older sister or brother. You may be very pleasantly surprised.

These are just a few quick tips on developing a Commanding Presence. For more training on developing a Commanding Presence, managing anxiety, and increasing your speaking skills to the same high level as your writing skills then you should attend one of our Commanding Presence Advanced Communication and Presentation Skills Two-Day workshops.

The workshop is designed to improve every aspect of Personal Communication Skills, from strategy and text preparation to establishing rapport and overcoming speaking anxiety.

Participants are recorded 4 times with feedback from the other participants and personal coaching from the workshop coach. Each receive a USB of their video clips along with a letter of analysis from the workshop coach.

The workshop is designed to improve every aspect of personal communication skills, from strategy and text preparation to establishing rapport and overcoming speaking anxiety.

Upcoming Two-Day Workshop Dates in Toronto

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