11:33pm

I reckon that I had the most gruesome and bone-wearying week of all time. Literally, my head's full of thoughtless motivations and my neck cracks hard each time I rotate. They say it's stress and incorrect posture that causes vertigo and tight alignment issues. So, pardon me, my non-existent readers, for waiting on that pictures. At least I felt there was an obligation to continue this "blogging legacy" forever.

Last Friday, I tried engaging my mom for dinner after work. Thought that might somehow bond us together with regards to whatever stuff a mother and daughter need to talk about. The plan shortly changed since we couldn't even agree on the food we want to eat. Then when we finally settle in a destination, I got pretty upset with the fact that she ordered a plate of carrot cake with meat in it. I mean, I get that it's petty and unnecessary but it just shows how much my voice didn't matter at all.

And you may ask why shutting my family is the tentative solution to minimize tension and wrath around the house. Perhaps it's for the good of everyone. Less interaction equals lesser drama, might spare us a few more years of living. I do not for a fact condone any of their traditional beliefs, that a man has the final say in the house, and that a woman should wait on their husband hand and foot only to be utilized as a sex object. I believe everyone plays a part in the household, not just men. Ah, and their forever undefeated ego, so tangible and fragile.

It's an agonizing year as predicted. Not only did my further college education didn't make it. I've got a new job that I'm uncertain what to do with it, like expect the unexpected case. Half year in I still couldn't get rid of my kilograms of fat and I've failed to socialize with people of the outside world.

My patience grew thin as the year is coming to an abrupt end, for my fear of many possibilities are setting me apart from my dreams. I wanna know my next chosen path, or if God has ever laid one for me. I'm honestly stuck in a universal loop where it doesn't even matter if I tried at all.

Right now, all I do is just surviving somehow lol.